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So, my roommate, the guy I thought was going to go to jail? He's seriously considering killing himself. I tried talking him out of it, but he's determined. He started the conversation out with, "Do you think you and Damian could pay for this place all by yourselves?" to which I replied, "No, and if you're going to off yourself, it's a stupid idea." He misses Lisa and his kid so much, but he needs to realize that she is gone and she took their kid with her. She turned her back one hundred percent on him, and even though he feels like he's got nothing to look forward to, he can learn from the things he liked and didn't like about that relationship and use that knowledge to make it perfect. He won't listen to me, though. I told him, this is the lowest point in your life. Do you know what that means? You will get better. You WILL get better. He just shakes his head and says, no, it's easier just to think about the things I did wrong. I hate it when people come to me with suicide talk and they make it clear that they do not intend to make themselves feel better in any way. People like that, I just want to say, "Well, you've made up your mind, so why are you talking to me? Go and do it, already." But I've never said it before and I never will. I just feel like saying it, though. You know? Yeah, you're depressed. I know, it's hard, it's really, really hard. Smiling isn't easy for me, either, but if you don't want to make things better and you don't want to even try to brighten your outlook, then get the fuck out of my face and kill yourself already. If you do want to keep living and you want to get to that light at the end of your tunnel, no matter how tiny it is, then talk to me. It's frustrating, because he keeps believing the lies she tells him. He won't think, "These are all lies," and move on. I may wake up tomorrow and find Damon dead. Oh, the joy. I wonder if they'd let me take the day off for that? More importantly, I need to think about who wants to be my roommate if he goes because we DEFINITELY can not afford this place on our own. I was thinking yesterday when I was sick that it would be so easy just to throw this all away and get back on the road. Just, fuck you Pekin...start walking...and never come back, like I swore last year. But I could never do that. I'm responsible now. I think I overvalue myself at work. I'm probably just the same to them as anyone else; Scott, Latisha, Justin. Just some little snot-nosed punk that's going to quit anyway so why promote her? S.
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