SoCalSweetheart's blog: "DEAR JOHN...."

SILENCE. PAIN. I LAY ON THE FLOOR IN AN EMPTY ROOM. BLOOD, RUNNING OUT OF ME. I’VE JUST BEEN STABBED. NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT SEVERAL TIMES. IN THE BACK, IN THE FRONT. BUT THE MOST PAIN I FEEL, IS IN MY HEART. IT’S GETTING HARDER TO BREATHE. THE MORE I FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE, THE MORE BLOOD I SEEM TO LOOSE. WHY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESURVE THIS? LOVE. THAT’S ALL I GAVE YOU. EVERYTHING, MY ALL. MY HEART. YET HERE I LAY, ON THE FLOOR. DECIETFUL. LIAR. HEARTBREAKER. USER. YOU OUT OF ALL PEOPLE. I DID NOT EXPECT THIS. AS I SIT HERE IN SOLITUDE, THE MORE I THINK, THE MORE PAIN I FEEL, THE MORE BLOOD I LOOSE. IS IT WORTH IT? ALL OF THIS PAIN. NO. YOU NEVER CARED. YOU JUST SIT THERE. AND LET IT ALL GO BY. NOT CARING WHAT HAPPENS. NOT CARING ABOUT THE PAIN YOU JUST CAUSED. THE ONLY THING YOU FOCUS ON, IS HER. SHE IS YOUR “EVERYTHING”. YOU FEEL HAPPINESS, JOY, CONTENTMENT. IS IT REAL? THE FEELINGS YOU FEEL? EVERYTIME YOU KISS HER, A BONE IN MY BODY BREAKS. LAYING UNMOTIONLESS, REALIZING, IM FADING. FALLING, FURTHER AND FURTHER. INTO THIS BLACK HOLE OF PAIN. IT’S NEVERENDING. EVERY MOMENT I SEEM HAPPY, GETS RUIENED BY THE THOUGHT OF YOU. MY INSIDES ARE RIPPING. UNAWARE OF THE PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED ME. I FEEL, ANGER. WRATH. LIKE USING MY FULL FORCE TO SHOVE YOU OFF A CLIFF. AND WATCH YOU FALL. FALL INTO A PIT OF RUSTED NAILS AND RATS. AS YOU LAY AT THE BOTTEM, STILL ALIVE. I LAUGH AT THE RATS, GNAWING ON YOU. FEELING NO SYMPATHY. BECAUSE NOW YOU FINALLY FEEL THE WAY I DO. YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME PAIN YOU PUT ME THOUGH. BECOMING AWARE OF HOW YOU HURT ME. ALL OF MY PAIN, AND ALL OF YOUR LIES. YOU REALIZE THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. EXCEPT LAY THERE, BECAUSE JUST LIKE THAT, THIS PAIN WILL NEVER GO AWAY. IT STAYS FOREVER. BURNED IN YOUR HEART. HAUNTING YOUR EVERY RELATIONSHIP. YOU MESSED WITH ME. MESSED WITH MY BRAIN. YOU MESSED WITH MY HEART. YOU HAVE MADE IT HARDER FOR ME, TO EVER TRUST A GUY THE SAME WAY AGAIN. HOW CAN I? HOW DO I KNOW THEY ARE NOT ALL LIKE YOU? ALL I CAN DO IS LAY HERE, IN A PUDDLE OF MY OWN BLOOD. AND WAIT, PATIENTLY. HOPING THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE. SOMEONE THAT WILL COME AND RESCUE ME. AND SAVE ME FROM THIS AWFULL PAIN. SO FOR NOW I WAIT. WAIT FOR HIM. TO TAKE THIS TORN, BROKEN LIFE, AND MAKE IT FULL AGAIN……

BUT SOMETIMES I WONDER…..WILL HE EVER COME?