So....yet another VENTING blog...seems I am gettin purdy good at these....
I don't even know where to start! Most of you know that the 6th year of Orion's death...ughhh!! I am so emotional throughout this month. I try so hard to remain calm for my boys & sometimes I really don't know if I can do it,but God has seen me through this far,so I try not to think about it much beyond that...I CAN'T think about it much more...I'll go crazy if I do.Just to top off a weekend of being sick with this stupid dry socket & the flu..yes,thank YOU ALL of you sick people who have breathed on me...hope you are happy...
ANYWHO....
So I am in the bed...trying so hard to let the phenergan do its thing,because my stomach is sore from vomitting & we won't even talk about how my jaw felt...I had this nasty feeling come over me...my cell rang...I looked...it was my EX husband's Dad's house. He usually goes there so he can speak to the boys,because he is living with Wednesday freaking Adams...who has 4 kids & not custody of one of them...I even shook the bitch's hand & told her THANK YOU when he finally came to catch up some child support & fill out his taxes..THAT IS RIGHT!! I walkd away with MOST of his tax return & I don't care who thinks that isn't right,because I guarantee that I will use every single dime..or equivalent to...throughout the year for my boys....they want for nothing within reason....
I told this nasty spot in the world thank you because I thought.."YAY!!! NO MORE PUTTING UP WITH CHUCK!!! HELL YEAH!!!!!"
What the hell was I thinking?? Somebody PLEASE smack me!!! I get a phone call that he has doused himself with lighter fluid & set himself on fire....
Not that I should be shocked by such behavior...his step mother tells me that he & "Wednesday Adams" had been fighting & he done it to prove his love for her....WTF???
So now..because I can be a bitch,but I am just not evil damnit....my boys do not know that their sperm donor..who can drop a $10 or $20 wal mart card in the mail & they act like its the best present ever....is going to be scarred forever because he is am idiot!!!! Why do I care? How in the hell should I know..if anyone has a clue...LAY IT ON ME!!!!!
I am so mad at him that I cannot even find the words to express what I want to say...I can't even hit anything..& trust me...those are my favorite 2 things to do when I get extremely HAWT under the collar..freak on your ass...then hit you!! Its that simple.
I spoke to this excuse of a life earlier & he,of course,lied & actually tried to make me feel bad & told me how if I would not have kicked him out that maybe he would not be in this situation...YEAH...isn't that a joke? I had to MAKE the sorry bastard leave because he stole everything in the house of worth..including things that belonged to MY boys....& lied & lied & lied..all for what? DRUGS...oh,but that is blamed on the loss of our son...
PLEASE!!!! I am so sick of all this...I do believe in God,but this is gettin a little ridiculous...
I am trying soooo damned hard to get on with my life & RAISE MY SONS RIGHT,so why does he have to be a constant pain in my ass?? What am I ever going to tell my boys? Why do they have to go through all of this? What have I ever done so bad for them to have to pay? They are so innocent & beautiful..I don't want them to hurt anymore...
So I guess the escapade of them not knowing will continue for now...chuck has 1st & 2nd degree burns from his neck down to teh bottom of his stomach...both arms...& that was all I could hear because everything went kind of blank after that...
I just wonder if he will ever straighten up or be any kind of a father,since he will be reffered to as the sperm donor until I see he is fit to be called anything else...never to my boys,of course..the call him DADDY...just as lovingly as any innocent child would.
If he screws up their life because of his tortured soul....I am not sure what karma will do next!!
THANK YOU FOR READING....I feel better when I vent!!!!
