This is a story that happened to me a couple years ago that I have decided to tell everyone about. I am a telephone guy and I make a number of service calls each and everyday. Most are normal, some are strange and few are downright bizarre. People always ask me about experiences I go through when entering people houses. This might not be one of the wildest things that has happened but definitely one worth sharing.
Off to my first job, it was a warm summer morning and I was ready to try to bust out some work before it got too hot. All is normal and I pull up to my first house. The order was written to put in an additional telephone line and a jack. No big deal, I do this each and everyday. I knock and to my chagrin, a very cute young woman answers the door. Maybe 23 or 24 years old, not wearing very much. I thought to myself "I love my job, I love my job". There was no need to rush through this job. It was going to get gold plated (telephone man term to stay as long as possible and make it look beautiful). I say hello and ask where I was going to be doing all of the work.
She walks me to the bedroom and shows me where the computer was sitting. She showed me where she wanted the jack placed and asked if it was going to be a problem. I couldn't say "no" fast enough. I was thinking I was one lucky phone dude. Wait until I tell the fellows about this one. I tell her I am good to go and i would be back and forth a lot. She precedes to walk into the living room and watch some TV while I was working.
I begin to study my route of attack. I was going to have to run a new telephone wire to hook up the computer. I was going to have two options. Go through the closet, bust a hole outside and connect the wires (a 15 minute job) or run a wire through the attic and gold plate it (30-40 minutes and would have to crawl through the attic and it was getting hot). I was all for gold platting but this was a no brainer. I open the closet door, peek in and was shocked, I mean shocked. This woman had at least 100 porn videos scattered throughout the closet. As well as multiple sex toys and other contraptions. I almost fainted. I closed the door as quickly as I could. I certainly didn't want to embarrass the girl. So I decided I was going to have to squeeze by big ass into the attic. Damn porn.lol.
I run outside and grab my ladder and a flashlight. I jump up in the attic and begin to crawl into the corner toward the room when the wire was needed to be ran. When I say crawl I mean crawl on my belly and it was hot hot hot. So now I am ticked off, wet with sweat, and covered in insulation. I reach back and grab my wire not realizing I am half way off the 2x4 when suddenly I slip and half of my body falls through the ceiling. I catch myself but not the entire sheet of drywall which falls on the poor girls bed. Not to mention the 7 bags of insulation that my boss and I picked up. But we will get to that in a second.
Of course this made quite the thud and the girl runs into the room to see me hanging from the ceiling like a one of those damn monkeys at the zoo. She asked if I was ok and then turned around shaking her head. Other than my ego being in my knee's I was ok. The good news was that I had plenty of light to crawl through the rest of the attic to get down. I get down and call the boss.
"Boss I am going to need you out at my first job" I say. Luckily, I had a cool boss and he laughed his ass off. He told me to finish up and that he would be there in a bit. It didn't take me long to finish and there I sat waiting on the boss. To this day I still believe he took extra long so I had to sit and face the customer for what seemed to be hours. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Finally he shows and I show him the damage. We pick up the insulation (7 garbage bags worth). He then asks me why I didn't just go through the closet. I giggle and tell him to open the door on his own. "OH WOW, Ok I understand" is all that he said.
So let this be a lesson. Always hide your porn when you have a service man of any kind coming over. I sure wish that girl had. Now that I think about it, I bet she wishes she did too, although I don't think she had any idea that i discovered her stash.
