Mr Varok's blog: "Yes, I really can marry people now ^^"

Jagermeister. How I despise thee. You know, I think that the demon that masquerades as a drink - Jagermeister, to the uninitiated - probably owes me about a days worth of memories. I drink the stuff, although I know not why, and once I do, bam - may as well hit me on the head with a copy of forgetfulness for experts (hardback edition) as it's lights out for the brain for the rest of my might. Seriously. I've fallen asleep under a flyover, only to wake up with an alsatian chewing my hand. It can get that bad. And yet...time and time again, I find myself coming back to it. It is my secret shame, it is an evil vice, it is the death of hope and memories...but I loves you Jagermeister, I surely do. Although if you show me a bottle now there's a chance I would faint. The Jagermeister is dead...long live the Jagermeister. Hail!

Good morning Lords and Ladies... Not sure if anyone will have any ideas on this, but myself and the collective are currently embroiled in a power struggle. Of sorts. We have decided to hold a 5 year competition, the winner of which will be the person who, at the end of the 5 years, has the most titles before and / or after their names. The only stipulation is that the title itself cannot cost more than £10. In the event of a tie, whoever paid the least will be crowned 'Lord of all things'. There may even be a book in it, or a movie. No idea who I would get to play me, unless they can genetically splice Bruce Campbell and Bill Bailey. We shall see. Does anyone have any ideas where I could go about achieving some more titles? I've already managed to become a Reverend (not of a church, strictly speaking, so I'm not gonna be trying to convert anyone...fear ye not) whilst a little under the influence (no seriously, I can marry people now...and if they are drunk, I can even marry them to innanimate objects. Not supposed to do that last idea, but there you go), so if anyone has any good ideas that could lead to a title, send me a message and I'll look into it! I'll even promote your page / band / cult or whatever a little more on my page as a way of saying thanks... Let battle commence, possibly. Oh my, yes.