Big Dog's blog: "WTF?!?!?"

Well, I guess I done "it" again. Now, if I just knew what the hell "it" is, I'll quit doing it! I traded my truck, "The Bitch", and got a '93 Olds Bravada. I knew everything that was wrong with the truck. Now I'm chasing electrical system gremlins, and a Check Engine light. Ain't it funny how that shit only shows up after you sign the papers? Oh well. Now I have enough room for all of my family, even the dogs. Hopefully I can get everything taken care of quickly and easily.

I guess I retain large amounts of anger. Mostly for myself. I was supposed to be a Marine sniper. Or an EMT. Or a lawyer. Something other than a worthless cripple. My asthma and hearing (or lack thereof) kept me out of the service. My knees kept me from being an EMT. Now I'm taking up space, unable to sit stand or move much at all. Everything that has happened is my fault. My penance for past sins is pain. Lots and lots of pain. I can live with that, as long as I can at least take the edge off. Now my doctors want me to stop taking the only thing that keep me sane. I wnat to know what the hell is going on, but I haven't gotten an answer. Change my meds, don't just take them all away outright. I will not be responsible what happens in my pain induced stupor. i already have trouble coping. Taking everything away is not the answer, but a rather dangerous idea. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I could be dangerous if I'm in severe enough pain. I've done enough horrid stuff. I don't need to do any more.

DAMN! This sucks. My family is planning to move by March 1st. So far, the only person whose done any substantial work is the damn cripple! (That would be me.) My truck and I have alot in common, we don't run anytime, much less in the cold. The thermostat in this house is set at 76 degrees, but it's only about 70-72. I am unfortunately quite robotic when I am cold. I have very limited range of motion that's cut down considerably as the temp drops. On the plus side however, we are moving into a house that I know intimately. My grandma decided to move into a much smaller domicile, and sold her house. Well, we are top of the list to rent it. I grew up in that house. It was th only constant in my early childhood. After the sale, I couldn't stand to lose the house to someone outside the family. Not that it wouldn't be cared for, but because of the history that my family has there. I can't wait to get moved over.