Fiend Grrl EVILDRAGONs Fiance DARK PRI...'s blog: "WTF?!"

Have you ever noticed that the only people who wear jogging suits are well over 200 pounds and obviously never jog…unless a buffet is in sight?

What good is Wonder Woman’s invisible plane, when her body is visible when she flies inside it? The best feature of the plane is that anyone on the ground looking up will get an awesome view. Bonus question: How does she find the plane later on?

Bumper Sticker A bumper sticker I’d like to see: “My other car is just like this one, except it doesn’t have an asshole behind it reading a stupid bumper sticker.”

Top 10 Things I’d Do If I Were a Jedi 10. Chug a Colt 45 with Lando Calrissian. 9. Party with Queen Amidala and her clone handmaidens. 8. Clothe myself in the soft, luxuriant fur of an Ewok. 7. Trade in my Whiffle ball bat for a real lightsaber. 6. Finally slash my lightsaber through the air without making that whoosh-whoosh sound with my mouth. 5. Use the Force to lose the 10 pounds I gained over the holidays. 4. Join the Dark Side for the weekend! Then vow never to do it again. 3. Choke my boss…with my mind. 2. Hunt down Jar Jar Binks, run lightsaber through his heart, mount head in den. 1. Play Jedi mind games with Jessica Alba.

Am I Crazy Or… Have you ever smelled something really vile? So vile that it makes you angry and disgusted? You think to yourself, What son-of-a-bitch unleashed such an ungodly odor? You’re about to vomit…then you realize the odor is coming from you. Please, tell me this has happened to you, too!

Top 10 Signs Your Superhero Movie Sucks 10. The movie’s catchprase: “You’ll believe a man can spend 10 bucks on crap!” 9. Includes the line: “You can’t stop me — I have an IQ of 118!” 8. The hero’s superpower: ability not to make eye contact with a stranger in an elevator. 7. Plot holes glossed over by the heroine’s numerous boob flashes. 6. Forget Kryptonite — the hero’s only weakness…a bullet to the heart. 5. CGI effects were rendered using a crayon. 4. The hero has a specially designed costume to emphasize his “bulge.” 3. The soundtrack is by the guy who wrote the “Pina Colada Song.” 2. The movie is based on a comic written during Stan Lee’s magic mushroom addiction. 1. Bat-nipples!

Top 10 Things Overheard at the New York Comic Con 10. How’s my bulge look in these tights? 9. No, Mr. West, I won’t grease your batpole. 8. Is that an Ewok or has Gary Coleman grown a beard? 7. Does this Jedi robe make me look fat? 6. Just when you thought George Lucas has exhausted the marketing of Star Wars — lightsaber condoms! 5. Melody Anderson is no longer in mint condition. 4. Who the hell is Melody Anderson? 3. Only one thing could top this — an Internet porn convention. 2. I heard Mark Hamill will autograph for food. 1. Quol lip no marg’rk. (Loose translation: I’m 37, wear prescription pants, and only have sex when I am within arm’s length of a glory hole.)

Am I Crazy Or… Don’t you get disappointed when you see two cars about to crash into each other, but then at the last second they avoid the collision? There’s a little part of you that feels cheated, isn’t there?

How come whenever a movie killer chases you in the woods, you always take a quick glance behind you…you inevitably stumble and fall…and as you look up — there’s the psycho standing right in front of you? Guys like Jason and Michael Myers know you’re going to look back and fall — that’s why you never see them run after anyone. They just saunter after their victims, wait for them to take a spill, and then splat! The moral of the story: never look back

Why is it that whenever somebody hears a creepy sound in a horror story, they always rattle off a laundry list of possible, innocuous explanations for it? “Oh, it must be that damn cat again.” Then the noise gets louder. “Hmmm. It doesn’t sound like Jinxy. Must be the wind.” Now, the noise is right outside the door and is followed by a demonic howl. “Damn, kids must be watching TV again. I’ll just go back to reading this book.” Then the monster eats the idiot. Whenever I hear a strange sound at night, I immediately think, “Shit, it’s a fucking monster.” I then grab whatever is handy — usually a hockey stick or plastic fork — throw on all the lights, open all the closet doors, and wake up my wife, shouting, “There’s a fucking monster in the house!”