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I have been damaged and brokenI have been ridiculed and laughed at. I have been kicked at my lowest, pushed down and used as a stepping stone for others around me. I have been given up on, I have been picked over.I have watched as my feelings for love be denied over and over, then watched helplessly as it was taken and given elsewhere. I have lost my faith, my sanctity, sanity and warmth...I have given in to my hardships, trials and tribulations as they are the only feelings I know to be true to me .I have been denied my right to have a normal and productive life, courtesy of my own mangled mental instability, and the fact that everyone around me doubts my requests, my suggestions, my pleas or cries although they are are silent in nature. I hate the fact that I can't convey all of this to anyone..I've always sucked at charades...I hate the fact that my inner being is always in fetal position, is neglected and has been abused and left un-nurtured and unwanted.

How do you find strength while weak within from begging and crawling?How do you salvage courage from someone thats always last in line, has been set on the back burner or has never made it into the "Picture"? ...and for fuck sakes can someone tell me when does love stop ravaging the life from the heart and soul leaving it absolutely and completely useless and dead to my core?
I have to say, there isn't one chance in heaven nor hell, will I give in to lifes BS again...That which hasn't killed me has given me more reason to kill me...
This isn't a plea for help, for attention or anything close to those 2 things. This is me saying to the world "FUCK YOU WORLD!" Because one thing that I do have and is in my control is where my life goes from here...thats it.
Theres no drug or therapist that can heal these open wounds..they just help you deal with it. Can you get your pills every month? DO you have insurance for the therapy visits? Do you have a job to pay for it all?  Do you actually believe that I want to sit around in a support circle with people I don't know and spill my guts about the very things that are begging me to end everything? No dear I'm afraid not. 
I am angry and enraged. I hate everything because it keeps my feelings in check. I destroy connections to my well being because those are the connections that make me vulnerable and weak.
Don't try to be the hero you feel I need and talk to me..your words will fall on deaf ears.Don't give me what you feel are/is your wisdom..your way to late in the game.Don't look for hugs and kisses when all I've recieved is ass and elbows.Don't ever think that I am ok..it's when I'm at my quietest and calmest that my rage devours me.

The other one

 

Today I met another one enbedded from within.

She fought in earnest to surface,until I weakend and finally gave in.

She sets within the shadows with a never ending hold,
constantly waiting for another chance to take control

I can hear her in the distance,
I can feel her all around,
I can taste the essence of anger,
within my inner I can't drown.

I can't see myself's reflexion
in the mirror as I gaze...
Only hers with blackened eyes;
with a pale and frozen face...

Bella Dharqe

The Art Of Dying


The Art of feeling the slowing heart,dying,

a body lay helpless,growing cold, left alone, crying.

  A weakened hand so febble, that trembles,that shake's....

Stretches out into yonder,yerning another breath to take....

A cold mist of rain, slowly covers it's skin,

while it lay there quivering, as the dampness sinks in..


Excepting the darkness, lifes final breath thats craved

For knowone's there to morn it's slipping away.


as written: Bella Dharq

Sleeping with pain


Like a needle in my eye,screaming and kicking whilest the pain enrages me,whilest I become blind.
Like a pierce in my skin,like a sharpened dagger,pushing harder,forcing it within.
Like the thorn from a beautiful black satin rose,ripping the skin as glistening burgundy flesh is exposed..
Like a fingernail pushed and torn from its fingertips bed,like a daisy ripped and uprooted from the soil to bury the dead....
Like the gripping, stabbing sting ,while salts rubbed within your wound,whilest I ingrave your label within your cold gray tomb....
Like the fading light we all see as our eyes sight draws black as we fade,we all end up in the eternal bed our deaths made....
as written:~*Bella Dharq*~

Shall We Dance?

...and with the hands of time in mine...I lead in the dance of death,for thyn existance will always reign victor... Shall I gaze in glutton over my fallen, or shall I search in earnest for another taking in multitude? My constant search for souls is far from ending.......tis almost the feel of quickening deep within ...*smiles*...and with her hand out and extended, she whisper's......."Shall we dance?"

Bella Dharq


My Queen

Listen's as I hear the nocturne souls sings, That glorify my Dharq Love, my Queen. 
With wonders of lust her being bring's, with hot passionate kisses which bares a sting.
Watches as a drip slide from her glistening lip, as my inner hunger desires to take, to taste by my tongues flick.
As our tongues danced together and swirled within, I surrender to her render yet once again. 
We danced and waltzed within candle lite halls, We danced and we swayed till mornings curse came to call.
With all of my darkened soul bares to thee, Thyn life bares no meaning without my love, My Darkness, My Queen. 
Deep in my slumber I sleep days light away, and await for my love to come calling, to play. 
To dance in our shadows, to our blissful tunes, to share the soft touches, by the glow of the moon
Bella Dharq

A magic tune

Oh magic man, will you play me a song, to put in my soul, to take along, for my journey in life seem's so dark and gray, but when i have your music, i drift away, no i don't fear the anger, the hurt and the pain, for your tunes twist amongst them, which carry them away... so please magic man, may your finger's float along, on the neck of your guitar to play me a song!

Bella Dharq

The Balance

If it were not for the darkest of night's....we would not know the brilliance of the day....If it were not for the storm's fury, we wouldn't know to appreciate the calm of the sea....If it were not for sorrow and heartache, we would surely be blind to our joys!

 

B.Dharq

Keeper

"I Am One Under My Keeper's Sway, His Passion resides now within these pulsing veins....Basking within his Darkened Bliss, he inturn pleasured me with his eternal kiss.

Bella Dharq

Goth Damned


As we see in our heart, as we feel in our soul, all that we know that might be, with every secret thats told...
I can feed you my shadows, one spoonful at a time, till I feed your dark needs, till I ease your frayed mind...
Damned be the harsh ones,whom turn their heads away,for they'll be the ones who inturn,bleed before us one day...
So now that this being said,to smile yes you may, for our kind being Goth Damned makes us strive for darker days...
To own one of each,to each is their ownmight we all come together in this dark circle we've drawn.....
as written: Twist'a Fate    

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