WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish..................................49.
Adventurous.........................Slept with everyone.
Athletic...............................No breasts.
Average looking.....................Moooo.
Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure................On medication.
Feminist..............................Fat.
Free Spirit............................Junkie.
Friendship first......................Former Slut.
New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s
Open-minded.........................Desperate.
Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional...........................Bitch.
Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate....................Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Ø Yes.....................................No
Ø No......................................Yes
Ø Maybe................................No
Ø We need...............................I want
Ø I am sorry...........................You'll be sorry
Ø We need to talk....................You're in trouble
Ø Sure, go ahead.....................You better not
Ø Do what you want..............You will pay for this later
Ø I am not upset.....................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
Ø You're attentive tonight.........Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
Ø I am hungry...............................I am hungry
Ø I am sleepy...............................I am sleepy
Ø I am tired.................................I am tired
Ø Nice dress.................................Nice cleavage!
Ø I love you..................................Let's have sex now
Ø I am bored................................Do you want to have sex?
Ø May I have this dance?...............I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Do you want to go to a movie?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I take you out to dinner?.........I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø I don't think those shoes go with that outfit.............I'm gay.