A little something I stumbled across.
It was said best by the precocious son of a gynecologist in the movie Kindergarten Cop. "Boys have a Penis. Girls have a Vagina." There you have it. The simplest and easiest identification as to how a man's and woman's bodies are wired differently. However, in 1990 when that movie was made, I had no idea how much more developed a woman's body was than a man's. No, not because as a 15 yr old male I had almost been to second base twice (hands on boobies over the shirt) and not yet experienced the joy that is a girl's naked body. But because I had not yet lived with that same girl.
What I failed to realize then, that I know now, is that mother nature prepared the woman's body for survival much better than it did the man's. Having grown up fascinated with the discovery channel and specials on female spiders that kill their mates after sex and psycho birds that feed their male partners to newly hatched chicks, I should have realized the human race is no different. Why would it be?
There are four things a person needs to survive life (at least in the winters of the Midwest): Food, water, shelter and heat. The way I see it, the first three are on a pretty level playing field, but the fourth one is most certainly not. What I have discovered is that a woman is genetically advanced and can gain body heat as her life cycle progresses. Where does she get this extra supply of life's necessity? This is my Heat Leach Theory.
Anyone in a longterm relationship can tell you that at the beginning of that relationship the man is always the more warm blooded of the two. Mine is no different. I was always hot and she was always cold. She wanted to cuddle on the couch with 10 blankets, while I would have rather sat naked on that same couch with only a towel between me and furniture to soak up the sweat that was dripping from my nut sack. But slowly over the years there has been a change and I started to steal those blankets one by one trying to keep my body warm. In fact, as I type this I am wearing flannel pants trying to keep my core temperature at a normal level. Why the graduation change? I'll tell you.
Every night before bed the same thing happens. I get under the covers and my wife goes into the bathroom to wash her face. I'm not sure if taking her make-up off is the same as taking the insulation out of the attic of a house, but something happens by the time she enters the bed. Gradually I feel the warm protection of the comforter start to fade and WHAM!, those fucking icebergs she calls feet are against me. For what ever reason her ass and feet have dropped 15 degrees below body temperature. Its quite a shock at first, but I am usually overly warm so I don't mind that much. Plus this puts in the correct position for what I really want- Sex.
There we lay spooned. One of my arms underneath her with my hand near her boob and the other draped over her thigh, fingers dangling near the promised land. We continue to lay their while I "accidentally" brush my hand against her crotch trying to signal "I want sex". Its not understood. I press my body harder against her hoping she'll notice that "little funee" is ready to play. Still no response. Slowly, I realize she is starting to breath heavier. Yes!..wait...no. It's not the passionate breathing that I had hoped for..but the heavy breathing of being sound asleep. Eventually, I too fall asleep.
I awake hours later. I am still in the exact same body position, but I am violently shivering. My wife has managed to slowly, degree by degree seal the warmth of my body by leaching my heat to her. Apparently she has stolen way to much of my heat, not only because I feel like a popsicle, but because as she became too warm and she has kicked all of the covers onto the floor.
If the roles were reversed in this instance, a woman would simply roll over and pull the covers up. Not true for a guy. Forget the fact that my arm is completely numb from her laying on it for the past 6 hours ...Why ruin what is the perfect body and hand positions for a sexual encounter? This kind of patience is bound to pay off. So I wait, freezing cold until at some point she manages to steal the remainder of my heat and I fall asleep induced by what I am sure is hypothermia.
When my internal core body temperature finally generates enough energy to regain consciousness, my wife is in a shower using up all of the hot water that would allow me to regain a normal body temperature. I do not get sex, but instead I get a cold shower and go to work still slightly chilled from the night's encounter.
This type of ritual continues for 20-30 years until the woman determines she has leached enough heat to vastly out live her male counterpart. She can tell with this process is complete, because in her late 40's or 50's she gets hot flashes. But, unlike her sex in the wild, she does not rid herself of male partner. No, she is highly advanced. While she was slowly stealing his heat, she was also conditioning him for other important tasks. If he were go longer alive, who would provide her with her other three needs for survival? Food, Water and Shelter.
