I found out that we have lost our baby on Monday morning. The last few days have been very rough. Little by little I am crying less and venturing back out into the world. Today was the real start of getting back out into the world again. The first couple days....I wasnt ready to see women pushing strollers, little babies and pregnant bellies. It was still very hard but I think I dealt with it well. Going to walmart, picking the kids up from school and doing some shopping actually took it out of me. I am starting to put the baby things away and making some peace with it all. The hardest part is the waiting for this baby to come so that I can let it go. Alot of the time I feel like I am floating in this weightless dream world where nothing seems real. I keep thinking that maybe the doctors are wrong since my baby hasnt left me yet. I know that I am only fooling myself but with time I wont need to do that anymore. My tummy is already starting to go down some and I was able to get an old pair of pants on. It was heartbreaking. Sad to think that right now I would rather be fat than skinny. I am just trying to hang in there and with Mike's love, support and patience I am plugging along just fine though painfully. Thanks for stopping in and reading and any support you are offering up.
