WIFE VS. SUB
By LadyPet
Being a submissive was easy. Being a submissive wife is a whole other world. The conflicts started the day after we returned from our honeymoon - the first time I tried to wake Him up for work. I did my very best purring, cooing, sweet, adoring subby routine, "Darling Master" this and "Sweet Master" that. He growled. I retreated. I pondered the situation from afar. I had to get Him up or He'd be late for work, and I'd be a bad wife. However, He was Master, and He obviously didn't want to wake up! I was subby, bound (pardon the pun) to serve Him and all His desires. I tried again with the sweet, loving approach. He growled again and swatted my nose as if I were an annoying fly (He was still asleep). Once more, I retreated, this time rubbing my offended nose. Now I was an irritated subby/wife. I tried poking Him gently a couple of times, earning me another growl and a, "Leave me alone!"
My feelings were hurt, and I suddenly felt like an extremely bad submissive. I left the room and bawled for about 15 minutes, thinking that I had earned His displeasure for the first time. Watching the hands of the clock move ever closer to His departure time, my sense of new wifely duties kicked in. I rinsed my face, steeled my nerve, and re-entered the bear's den. I called His name a couple of times until I received an irritated, "What?" as an answer. I tried to reason with Him, explaining that it was time to get up for work, He didn't want to be late. "Can't you just let me sleep?" was the grumbled reply. I begged and pleaded with Him to get up. He pulled the blankets closer.
Subby suddenly vanished, and Wife took the reins. I grabbed the blankets, yanked them off the bed, and said, sweetly, "It's time to get up now." He rolled over, startled, and glared at me. Wife dropped the reins, subby grabbed them, and I turned into a puddle of abject misery. This, of course, made Master/Husband feel like a total heel, which only made me feel worse, and things went downhill from there. By the time He had me petted and cuddled back into some semblance of stability He was 20 minutes late for work.
And thus began our every-day marriage.
It took me the whole first month to get wife and subby balanced into some sort of harmony when it came to waking Him up, let alone the rest of life! Sometimes I still get out of whack. He used to toss His dirty clothes in front of the laundry hamper - not in it, but in front of it. At first, I would just chuckle to myself, shake my head, and pick up Master/Hubby's laundry every night. After a few weeks (I was slow) I realized that I was going to be picking up His laundry every night for the rest of our lives if I didn't say something about it. I had this mental image of picking His laundry up off the floor when we were 80 years old, and I was horrified. I tried to be subtle, making sure He saw me pointedly pick it up and drop it into the hamper. That didn't work. I tried casually saying something about the hamper not having a lid on it. That didn't work, either. I then asked Him point-blank if He wouldn't mind putting His laundry in the hamper. That worked for a couple of days. Finally, Wife kicked in (This usually happens when subby has reached the end of her rope) and said, "You are not a bachelor anymore. Put your clothes in the hamper, or I'm not picking them up. If they're not in the hamper, I'm not washing them." That worked.
I am occasionally prone to seemingly irrational tantrums. These tantrums are usually caused by catching Master/Husband browsing His extremely extensive collection of women-in-bondage pictures (all on His computer) when His warm, wet, willing submissive is waiting for Him, wearing nothing but a collar, in the bedroom. Usually, I get tired of waiting and go to the computer room to see what's keeping Him. I tend to get a little irate if it's the collection. Hundreds of pictures of skinny, beautiful, more "flexible" women, tied in positions I could only dream of, tend to make me feel particularly unattractive and inadequate. This begins a vicious cycle of Wife being totally pissed off, storming into the bedroom, and refusing to speak. Husband comes running after, very sorry for upsetting Wife, and tries to coax me into speaking. Wife is eventually convinced to talk, and will then explode like a nuclear bomb. Husband apologizes profusely, professes His undying adoration of Wife, and generally throws in something about how sexy I look in the collar. Wife gradually melts into subby, who then bawls like the world's biggest baby and begs Master to forgive her. Master then has the task of comforting His puddle of abject misery (who actually responds best, at this point, to a good spanking just to prove He still loves me). The end result is always the same, anyway - a wild night of passionate love-making.
The major conflicts are caused by the fact that there are a lot of differences between being lovers and being spouses. With a lover, you have a tryst and go home. You only (usually) see the "best" of each other. In a BDSM relationship (un-married) you have your scene (even if it lasts for days) and go home. The roles are clearly defined. In a marriage, you're there 24/7 for the rest of your life. You can't go home - you are home! You see each other in the worst, most embarrassing moments of life. In a 24/7, married, BDSM relationship the roles go a little haywire. That home you share has to be a home you share. Both of you have to be comfortable there, it can't feel like "Master's House," it needs to be "Our House."
There isn't a particular line where "wife" ends and "subby" begins, or vice-versa. Yet, they aren't exactly one and the same. There's a blending. I have to be able to tell my Husband that setting a new roll of toilet paper on top of the empty cardboard tube of the last one (as opposed to actually changing the paper) drives me insane. I know one woman who divorced her husband after 10 years of marriage "because he squeezed the toothpaste in the middle and I couldn't stand it anymore." It's the little things that get under your skin.
Some people would say I was a bad subby because I didn't just ignore all of my Husband's little flaws and clean up after Him, honored that I should be allowed to touch whatever leavings He dropped in the floor. Well, no life or world is a utopia. I have bad days, I have bad moods, I get crabby, I get depressed, I get bratty and playful and defiant - I'm human! I can't be perfect 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. No one can be perfect all of the time. I have my limits and pet peeves - so does He.
Somewhere in the middle, the greater part of our lives, we are Husband and Wife - equal partners in a beautiful marriage (well, almost equal - He's still the Head of the House). Farther from the center, we somewhere blend into Master and subby - partners in a beautiful bond(age). It isn't always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Not even if it meant He'd put the seat down every time!
Lady Pet
