Beautiful Angel SupportTheTroops's blog: "why"

my emotions are running wild i cry i scream i just don't know which way is up i feel like no one cares anymore and i just give up

i thought it was real i thought that no matter what i had as long as i had it then nothing else mattered but no love is a game and noting more a chance,a risk that everyone takes you either get hurt or you don't if you don't get hurt then you are lucky if you do get hurt then i know your pain getting your heart broken hurts it is one of tte worst things ever to happen to a person you think you wont ever get over the pain that you feel but you do it just takes awhile it takes good fiends and good family to get over the pain you are going through but in the end when your heart is not as broken as it once was you will start to see and understand that "love" is just a game that people play and yes you did get hurt but you will move on with your life you will not dwell in the past for if you do you will never move on you will never be able to ay "yes i had my heart broken but i am a strong person and i got over it" so go on with your life for you never know if that heartbreak you felt wa really "heartbreak" or just a mistake you made in life

i gave up on love when he gave up on me i tried so hard not to hate him but he hurt me so much i said i would never forgive him for what he put me through but i am not mad any more i am done crying i am done letting the past run my life no more will i fall for the lies no more will i cry myself to sleep at night no more will i fall for what men say i know that one day i will find "love" again but till then i will not play this stupid little game "of love" i will NOT get hurt i will NOT open my heart up till i know that it will not get hurt again i will go on with my life i will forgive him and in forgiving him i will also protect my heart from others that want in

i sit here and cry as i write this down i miss him so very much i want him here to love i need to hold him in my arms and kiss him i need to be able to know that he is fine but i can't he is to far away i can't see him i can't hold him i can't kiss him like i want just three more months they all say three more months but no no its not just three more months it's six three months till his leave but six more until he comes home to me for good it seems to long that i must wait but i been waiting for almost ten months already too long too long to be without him to long to be missing him to long for us to not be together but..... i am strong i have to do this i must wipe up my tears i must not cry no more he wouldn't want that i know he wouldn't and i am to be an military wife they are the strongest of all women so i will not cry i will not cry i will be strong i must i have to

silence is everywhere not a soul to be found no light must enter in no happy noises must ever be heard how did i get here to this time and place where did i go wrong or is just my fate i wanted to be happy but today is not a good day i don't know where it went wrong i don't know what i did how can someone be so sad over nothing oh wait oh wait it's not nothing he is not here he is gone away from me its been way to long almost a year too long for me to be without him yet he is not here he is off serving our country he is fighting in the war i try to keep a positive outlook i know he will be alright yet i am missing him so very much i miss his touch the way he would hold me close i miss the small things so i sit here in silence waiting for his return knowing that i have awhile to wait till the happy sounds return

i am not who i appear to be i am not but does it matter who i am on the inside does it matter that i cry at night missing him does it mater that i feel alone all the time does it matter that no matter how many people there are around me i still feel alone like i am sinking into a dark hole there seems to be no light that enters inside but why should that matter i am alone even if people say they care they don't they don't truly understand they don't know me and how could they cause i don't even know myself at times

you don't know me yet you act as you do you think your all that you think i want you well then you don't really know me do you? i don't want you i got what i want i am a the property of an American Soldier and i am soon to be married he is my life where you are not i am not yours so don't act like i am i don't want to be mean really i don't but don't tell me you love me don't act like its my fault i never did nothing to make you fall for me i only sat and listened as you talked i am not yours i will never be just go away i don't want to be mean please just oh please go away

i try to be nice i try to not yell i try to be a good friend i try to help everyone out if i can i have a kind heart i am a good person or so i have been told yet there are times when i want to say fuck it all i don't want to be nice i am tried of getting shoved around i want to just be mean to everyone i come across i don't want to be so nice i tend to get hurt i don't like to get hurt i am just tired of being the nice girl that everyone takes for granted i have my own needs i have my own fears i don't know what to do all the time but it doesn't matter i can't change who i am i am the listener the one who helps everyone even i can't help myself sometimes