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Phoenix's blog: "WHY???"

created on 04/27/2008  |  http://fubar.com/why/b210939
My Broken Heart
I woke up alone with dawn's faint graying light, but the sounds of the birds brought me no joy. For with you gone from my small world my heart is broken. The walls of this old ranch house are closing in, the pain and all the terrible emptiness is with me once again with the start of each empty new day.
Now I find myself looking forward, not with anticipation, but with a prayer, that darkness of night will come quickly. For it is only in the dead of the night when peace comes, for I can seek you out in my dreams. I look up into the heavens with hope, surely an angel will hear my tear filled cry and let you know I still care.
Only faith is pulling me through each day, for when my heart is breaking and I am all alone, I know that God is up in heaven and I pray his tender mercy will soon be shone. One way or the other, for with a broken heart how can I go on.....
~ Dave Griffith ~
Through the tears in my eyes, I gently wipe away, I have so many questions that fill my head... Why does it feel like the whole world is crashing down around me? Why do I feel like I am losing everything that matters the most? I have so much love to give and only one person to give it to, yet my heart has to be pulled in so many different directions. I want to be happy and feel secure. I want to know that the person I love, loves me just as much in return. How hard is it for one person to ask so little and yet it seems like the whole world is put on their shoulders every waking minute of the day. I am me, accept me for who I am, ask no more of me than you know possible and dont ask me to be someone Im not or cant be. I cant stop being the person I am. If being a nice, caring, loving person makes me so bad, or even ends up hurting someone, what can I do? I want so much in life to just be a bitch and stop caring about anything or anyone, but then my life would be a complete lie. So as I sit here with a heart of gold, torn to pieces from the hurt I have caused others, I go back in the dark corner of solitude where no one else I can hurt anymore!
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