I can wake-up, shower and leave the house in 30 minutes flat. And I still look cute and kissable.
Even if we do get married eventually I would never dream of making you throw out your favorite sofa even if it did live in a frat house for five years.
When you go out with the guys and come home all sloppy and fall asleep during sex I’ll only tease you about it for, oh, say a couple of days and never in front of your friends.
I never gunk up my hair with sticky crap.
I don’t watch sports but I don’t give a rats ass if you do. I’ll NEVER give you shit for spending a day in front of the tube with the guys, hell, I’ll even make you nachos.
I don’t like shopping. I hate shopping. I hate the mall and all it stands for. That said, I do have clothes for pretty much any occasion.
I’ll never be pissed off if you spend the day hiking instead of going to my family’s 4th of July gathering. I’ll probably join you.
I am SOOOO not high maintenance
I love sex. I’m not going to send you a link to a pay site but I’m not going to jump in the sack with you because you have a penis. Still, please have a penis. Don’t email a photo. I’ll take your word for it.
I seriously don’t care if you’re a Aquarius or a Libra. Really.
I have an amazing cabin in the mountains.
I eat steak.
I’m not bitter, I don’t think all men are playing games, just looking for sex, or shallow if they don’t find me attractive.
I have really funny stories about the bad dates I’ve been on this year. Seriously, you’ll be laughing till it hurts. (conspiracy theory guy . . . sorry if this upsets you but it WAS funny)
I don’t expect that if we don’t hit it off we’ll keep in touch. We might, but don’t count on it. I won’t either.
I think Angel Therapy, Energy "tuning", Therapeutic Touch, Astrology, Cellular Memory, Creationism, Feng Shui and the face on Mars are all a huge pile of crap. If you believe in any of this and decide to contact me I WILL laugh at you. To your face.
If you say something cheesy and “romantic” I’m more likely to crack-up than tear-up.
If you can make me laugh I can’t wait to meet you!
