Boy meets World's blog: "why in the hell"

i cant stand how i can care for someone so much i hurt myself every time in the process. no matter what i do or what i say its never enough. i cant seem to do anything right enough to please anyone. i want to give up so much and let everyone go but its so hard. no matter how much i walk away. no matter how much i try to leave i cant. i feel that i just want to leave this place as inlike get away from all the people. become a hermit. this way it will hurt for awhile but once i finally get use to be so alone and never seeing another again i may actually be able to live this way. i just cant stand what i go through anymore. something that hurts so much i just cant let go. wish i could once and for all....

im lost. im lost between life. im lost between my mind. im lost in myself. im lost in this world. the way i think of things. the way i think of people. the way i feel for me. the way i feel for others. there is nothing good left in my heart i believe. i try and try and try but never do nothing but seem to upset people or push them away. LOVE. Thats a interesting subject in my life. when i tell someone i love them. im never trusted. when i tell them i love them im sought to be just another guy saying it to get what i want.im always taken for granted no matter how nice i am or how good i am. nothing seems to be anyway that i want it. the way i feel for others doesnt seem to matter. the way i care period is never wanted. im always doing one of two things. im either to nice and good or not good enough. im never right for you. im never right for her. im never right for anyone. im never right for everyone. im lost and never found by the right things it seems. im never found by one who is close or keeps me close to there heart. im never found by me. im never found by you. GOD. WELL THATS A JOKE. he finds only the worse to put me through. im his jester as much as i dont want to be. well ill end this pathetic blog. basically the fact of the matter is. im just not worth it. have fun you all. im yet to find what and why im here. so....

why in the hell do women feel that they have to play people in order to get what they want. is it not enough to be honest with people and be straight forward especially when the guy is willing to give them any and everything they have?