Over 16,529,187 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
So anyway, was down at the local CostCo the other day to pick up a bag of dog chow for Nikki The Wonder Dog, when this elderly lady in line behind me asks, “Do you have a dog?”
Well, what did she think I had, an elephant? But instead of being snarky, I decided to be flippant. “No, I’ve been putting some weight on lately, and decided to go back on the Purina diet,” I replied.
“The Purina diet? I’ve never heard of that one”.
“Sure,” I said. “You keep your pockets stuffed with Purina Dog Chow. Whenever you feel the urge to eat, you pull a couple of nuggets out and crunch on them. It’s nutritionally complete, and very filling. Last time I was on it, I lost nearly 50 pounds before I woke up one day in the ICU with tubes coming out of nearly every orifice.”
She gasped. “Did the dog food poison you?”
“No ma’am,” I replied politely. “I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and we both got run over by a bus”.
I’m not allowed to shop at CostCo anymore, because the guy behind the old lady nearly had a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
