So Im just writing this to rant and not for anyone to really respond, I just need to get it out of my system other wise Im not going to stop crying. Unfortunatly I have no other way to realease it. So here is my list of shit that just makes my life the hell I am facing and I can not for the life of me get out of this rut.
- I lost my real job back in June of 2007 for some BS reason that they would not let me fight. Since then I have been trying to find a decent paying job to support my child. I had a temp agency place me but I finished my assignment and the agency was so slow they couldn't place me any where else. I tried getting a job with the sheriff's dept as a dispatcher went through 3 weeks of testing and more testing and still ended up with a dear John letter. I tried to get my insurance license and I missed it by 6 points. So i tried getting in at geico and they choose to go with "other candidates". I have had my resume online with ever damn job site and the only people that respond are insurance agencies who want me to own my own comp but I don't have my insurance license so I can't.
- My A.C. unit isn't working and oh...I have no money to get it fixed so it's oh about 95 in my house!
- My car decided to take a shit and I have no money to have it looked at and OH YEAH no mechanics as friends. It wont go over 35 MPH and rev's really hard if I try and make it. Smells like ass is burning in my car. Oh which then leads me to a worse perdicament...I can't go find a job, no car!
- As of today my sons dad threatend to take my son away from me because according to him I am a worthless mooching POS that has taught my son it's ok to fail all because I couldn't take him to school today and he didn't get here to pick him up. Said that he is not a taxi he is a dad and he shouldn't have to pick our son up for school and miss work because I can't get my shit together.
- My phone was shut off because I couldn't pay my bill which started the whole thing with my sons dad because I had my mom text him to find out where he was and if he was going to get my son. When he got here he began screaming at me and told me that he also wants me out of the condo. His mom owns the condo so I asked her about it she said she is not going to kick me out. When I confronted my sons dad he said he will talk to her and convince her to kick me out. So I had to over draw my account to pay my phone bill so I can call the cops since he was threatening to take and keep my son.
- My doctor thinks I may have ovarian cancer and diabetes. I did a round of test and it was not conclusive so we have to do more. They have me on this jacked up steroid which makes me hungry all the damn time and I don't have the money to feed my hunger.
- Then just to add insult to all my injury, I am alone in all of this. Yes I have my online friends and people who say how nice and great I am. I get the "if only you were closer" line at least once a day. But I have no one to call and have come over. My mom wants to help but she is so broke she can't do anything. I haven't had a real boy friend since HS. Every time I get a chance I get my hopes up because I want it so bad and then they are crushed. I just want a love of my own. A man to hold me, and kiss me. But my life says I can do with out. I tried to stop looking and just let it fall in my lap but I am so lonely. And with the shit now going on it makes it so hard.
Have you ever been in a wave pool or the beach and if you sit down while there are waves coming it is almost impossible to get up...that is how I feel. Like I have fallen and it is impossible to get up....
