WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is
Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You
don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now
respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe
Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,
the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one
son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced six children:
Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt,
and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married
Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being
married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her
kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her
previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile,
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a
son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken
Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt
and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced
the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the
world. He recently returned from Italy with his new
Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,'
you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt