i dont know witch was scarier the giving of myself and watching it be rejected knowing it always would be or taking my life back of walking away from something i know is bad for me of giving up a battle that i just cant win of now having to face a futcher that i don't know where i even WANT it to lead do i want to fall in love again sometime in the distant futcher? do i wish to concentrate souly on myself reach for the dreams i put away in the name of love? are those dreams even real to me anymore? i know my first steps i need to take after I finish wrestling my life back 1 i need to figure out who i am now i know who the core evlyn is but falling in love made me grow in a few ways i never could have believed and the hurt of that love not working made me realize things about myself i had never looked at some good some bad and ill have to sort those all out and see where they fit 2 i need to learn to trust myself and others again 3 figure out what i want now 4 learn to accept that i deserved what i asked for that asking for respect and to be loved wasn't an unreasonable demand that what was unreasonable was even having to ask for it i deserve respect i deserve love i deserved all i asked for and more then that even i deserved the same love i gave to be loved no matter what haha if i do decide to give falling in love a chance again i know what ill look for now only one type of man will ever even deem a chance from me hell be someone makes me feel special who accepts me and my oppions someone who understands we dont always have to agree that just because my oppion isnt theirs doesnt mean i think theirs is necessarily wrong and will respect what i think just as much someone that when iam sad will hold me close i want someone will tell me itll be ok we will get through it together i dont want someone to save me i want someone to stand bye me i want respect and yes romance wouldnt hurt but most of all to matter for me not for my body not for how i dress not for what iam but for WHO iam are these unreasonable dreams?
