Lulu's blog: "Jokes"

Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Christmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Joey, Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my Mommy and Daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do. Love, Michelle -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Michelle, It blows my ****ing mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders." Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-up? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your friend, Thomas -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Thomas, All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know! Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Jessica, Are you that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house... Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE. Timmy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Timmy, That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mark, Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams! Santa