i know what i want to say, just not how to say it so bear with me. right now, the song on my page says a lot of what i want to say to him.
so, there is this guy. some of you know who im talkin about and most of you dont. lets keep it that way.
eventhough he has no idea, he is my biggest influence. there are things i do now that i didnt do before i met him. i never knew what love was and how it felt to be loved until i met him. yeah, i know what some of you are saying and believe me, im aware of what im saying. i know how i described our life together wasnt always pretty. i spent more years with him than some marriages last and i dont regret any of it. i love him with every ounce of my being. mind you, i said love him and not in love with him, there is a huge difference. even after we broke up, we were still great friends but he lied about some pretty important things and i told him that i never wanted to talk to him again.
here it is, months later and he invades my every thought. i see him driving down the road, walk past a guy that smells like him, or he just gets into my dreams. hell, even watching a football game messes with my head because he was one of the rare breed that would sit down with me on sundays and explain every play to me until i understood. he was the one person that i could turn to with any problem and he would find a way to either fix it or make me see it a different way. he made me a better person and i would NOT be who i am today without him. i would still be the emotionally scarred, medicated and non trusting girl that i was at 19 if it hasnt been for him.
its been 8 months since we last spoke and he is in my head everyday. a week before our last conversation, his new girlfriend contacted me and asked a lot of questions. it didnt matter to me that she replaced me, what mattered was that she was the one person that he had been looking for all his life. she was the one person that could make him happy and i knew that. i told her to work things out with him because i wanted him to be happy.
i know that people that youre over someone when you are able to truly wish for nothing but the best for the other person. i get that, i really do. why then do i feel compelled to contact him? why do i want to hear him say my name?
do i try to contact him knowing that im disrespecting his relationship with his girlfriend or does my heart race everytime i see him, knowing i can never talk to him again? what do i do if i come face to face with him because he only lives 5 minutes away from me? will i ever be truly over him if i never have any closure?
