here I am, 25y/o I have two jobs working my ass off 7 days a week. I rent a room from somone.I have no social life. I'm always broke. I'm always tired. no time for fun. no time for friends, no firends even if I had time. I have a cell phone that has costed me a small bunddle and the only one who ever calls me is my mom. this is starting to become depressing. somtimes I wonder if having a drink would make it all better. however I know that drinking will only make things worse. much worse. I don't have alot today, but I know that I will have nothing tomarow if I have a drink or smoke drugs. am I greatfull for my life and for being sober. I think I am. but somtimes I think I have a funny way of showing it. I need to start taking time for myself. I was going to go to an AA meeting tonight I could have really used one, but getting ready I started to dread leaving the house, having to walk down there and having to walk home. so I stayed at home and start to feel sorry for my self. I started to think of the worse things that could happend to me in my mind. my mind,my thoughts are evil somtimes. just waiting for the chance for me to listen to them, to entertain them, just waiting for me...... the little monster waiting for me to uncover is alchole saying come here have a drink, as you can see life is no good anyways wats the use. but today I am sober but for the grace of god. I just can't help feeling useless, not worthy, self pitty, I dont know how to change these faults that I have or how to stop these feelings. wat I do know is like everything else this too shall pass and in a few days I'll have forgoten wat it was that was borthering me. or it could turn even worse! I don't know only my higher power whom I call god knows for sure. I just hope that there will be an end to this lonley existance that I live very soon.
