Rhiannon Raventhorn's blog: "Raven Haven"

I have no excuse
I was angry

I kicked him because I was angry
I punched him because I hurt
I wanted him to hurt too

After all those words
I couldn't find anymore to say

I explained I needed help
He stood there

Wow Mom...
I know how you felt
When you hit dad

You had an excuse
You were drunk
Tired
Hurt...

I have no excuse
I was angry

At least when you hit me
Shoved me
Pushed me around

You had an excuse
You were drunk
Tired
Hurt...

Funny how that works

He runs in the house
After running his mouth
Hurt that I would dare raise a hand to him

And the Saint arises
How dare I?!
Where do you get the soap box?

My glass house
Shattered a LONG time ago

Yeah, it's wrong
I shouldn't get so angry
I start beating on him

I'm his wife
We should be able to talk it out
But he's such a confrontational bastard

Instead of saying
How impressed he was with the work I had already done
And that he was only calculating how much more we needed to do

He said, "Fuck you, I was only smoking!"

When I told him I didn't need him
He could leave the garden

He said, "Fuck you, you get out of here."

When I expressed I needed him to go
So I could relax and work

He opened his mouth again

My peace and pleasure vanished
The sanctuary broken
I had been having so much fun

I was covered in dirt
The rows looked good
The weeds were pulled
Strawberries, going in

And there in the middle
Was this ugly mess
I wanted him to go away

Instead he kept on
Mouth moving
Telling me to fuck off!

I kicked him
I punched him in the head
And found myself flat on my ass

The kids were scared
Confused
He ordered them to go inside
They started, then returned to me

No one wanted to go
He grabbed the baby
And opened his mouth again

Reminding me he could call
An old boyfriend of mine
If I wanted him back

What a JERK
I slapped him
Then he paraded into the house
As if he hadn't done a damn thing wrong

I was just crazy
What I did was uncalled for
How dare I strike him
He had our son

Okay...
Reminds me of New York
Except he head butted me while I had our daughter
She and I fell through the screen door

Fuck I'm just as crazy as him now!
Oh wait...

He had an excuse
He was drunk
When he hit me

Sounds familiar, funny isn't it..

I have no excuse
I was angry

So why am I so much worse?

Because I wasn't hiding in a bottle???!

I HAVE NO EXCUSE
I WAS ANGRY

At least YOU have a place to hide

I AM JUST ANGRY
AND I WANT TO KICK YOU
UNTIL YOU KNOW
HOW I FEEL!

© Rhiannon Raventhorn, All rights reserved.