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Whit's blog: "the fucked off"

created on 07/24/2007  |  http://fubar.com/the-fucked-off/b106923
The beginning looms ever so near, but instead of regret I find myself awashed in anticipation. I feed the lies protecting my inner defenses. I don't wish to share what is buried deep within. The mystery gives leverage above those who open themselves fully. I need no other to share this shit-filled existence with. I'll offer myself physically yet cut off the my mind against those who invade and conquer. Will love shine pure and give guidance the those alone and lost? We hold kinship to family and friends; is there something strong enough to connect two strangers? Giving them strength to stay true? With pretty thoughts, basicly a surreal fantasy kept around to give courage and determination to keep going. Alas pathetic attempts fall short of reality. I love the shelter I've crafted against the users and abusers. The walls hold firm as I rock to and fro with soothing blissfulness. I give homage to the God of art and word in hopes of being bestowed with unaltered capablity to gather and spread. Protecting the prey from preditors. I gave up dreaming of that safe-haven becoming real. Ideals and morals ease the weight of responsiblities placed on years ago. Hell doesn't exist except in what is preached every sunday. Heaven found the moment we reach climax. Left is right, up is down, and good becomes evil. Different ways in different places. We all go through the motiond with emotions shared by all. Unending cycles, we ride roller-coasters controlled by the real world. Ruled by a sense of stability, only to be decieved by well-concealed deception. Beauty dictates with an iron fist and we're senseless due to the lack of brotherhood and peace. Striving to stay barely breathing when half-truths and fabricated stories suffocate the last neutral hide-a-way. Hollowed out by self told demands and expectations to acheive and succeed. Constantly half awake, lost in dreams to keep us alive. Sustaining that demeanor to chase bullies away. I refuse violence for the fact of it being here and there. Stalking the unexpecting and those too weak to resist. Fables chanted slow and mellow, long ago told to me in a desperate hope of saving all that have begun to fade. Falling back behind tough words of invinciblity. Tormented by demons of redemption and and last ounces of faith. I have direction to keep going forward with blind ambition. I'll fight the war against tyranny and opression. Lounging around in fields of decay and depervation. Ignorant to our greatest sin: taking for granted that which makes our existences possible. We give up our souls 'cause we fear the repercusions of every deed. Living in a world sinking like Alantis you have to wonder if breathing is really worth it. ~~~ So hard to stay away when this flows easily as breathing. But the need to stay at human status seems more important at this moment. But that decision changes rapidly. That fucking line between flail and friend becomes harder to reconize. Basicly alone in this struggle to stay straight. Broken promises of support pushes me farther into unending moments of bliss. Don't fucking judge me 'cause I've begged and pleaded for help, only to find myself with no one to show they care. My fall from grace remains solely my fault. Too weak to stay away. So fucked up its a wonder I manage to see straight. No fear just the constant flow of words. Pages upon pages filled in spans of hours. No concept of whats happening. Locked away in a place only few know. But fuck it, humanity ain't done shit for me. Besides I like watching the sunrise days in a row. But I'm out, slumber is calling my name and I need to sleep. The creatures and voices have come-a-calling.
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