Ok so one of the things I do when I need to sort things out is write(I have a ton of blogs on my myspace) so I thought I would share a lil on here so y'all can c a lil bit into me...Im going through a phase right now I think. Im picking guys that r sooo not my type because they are safe and I know I won't get hurt but I hurt them in the process. I feel awful about the last guy. He's the sweetest guy in the world, but he just wasn't for me and I broke his heart and I feel awful. Ive tried to get away from my old habits with guys cuz thats how I always get into trouble. I am attracted to the alpha male, I love a guy that is hard and don't put up with shit and is gna make me feel like "DAMN!!!!!" I love watching a guy work and sweat and don't think there is anything sexier. Sex is a big deal in a relationship, I need someone that is gna b just as crazy as I am in bed. I like to try new things, I can't have the same old thing or way all the time. Im a total thrill seeker especially when Im with the right guy. I want a guy that will just man handle me a lil ya know? Y is that so bad? I can't help what I like. Ive tried and it doesn't work. But I either get the psychotic guy that is way too full of testosterone or a wimp. Its like I cant find a happy medium. I like to know that my dude is tough and can take care of me and won't let ne1 hurt me. I don't like to be the dominant one in the relationship. I don't want a guy thats a control freak either. Just want to know and feel that he is the man and takes care of me. I am very independant and can take care of myself, Ive been doing it for a really long time. But I want someone thats gna take care of me for a change. I want a guy that when I get home from work just grabs me and pushes me against the wall and has his hands all over me and I know that he wants me as much and as fierce as I want him. I had that before with someone except he went too far all the time and would hit me and thats not somethin I will ever put up with again. But Im afraid that Ill never have that crazy attraction with ne1 again cuz I havent found it since. Someone u just wna rip their clothes off of, even if its in a dressing room at the mall! I need the exciting feeling that you have at the beginning of a relationship, but I don't want it to end after 2 weeks. I dont want a lowlife that lets me support him, Ive done that enough too. Uve gta have a job. What happened to a time when a man was a man and a woman was a woman????? Yea its nice to kno ur dude has a soft side, but I don't want that to be his only side. Ugh its frustrating, I probably don't even make sense but I guess I'll know it when I find it. I can be the good family wifey when its appropriate but I can be such a bad girl too. Thats what keeps things fun and exciting....Y is it that I can't find a guy like that? A man that makes my heart race but can be the family man cuz my kids r number one to me and thats y Ive been picking the safe ones. But it doesnt make me happy and then my kids see that and then they arent happy. I am totally dedicated to my man n my family, but u have to be the right one. I don't wna rush nething, just have some fun and see where it leads. If you think you can handle the job hit me on here or IM me on yahoo at lexxy319. Well thats about it for now...
PEACE!!
Jess
