AVTLyn's blog: "what will become?"

Have you ever felt as if your not sure where your life should be, as if your trying to live two different lifes. Both lifes contradicting the other, not sure of the life you should lead, wanting to do both. nowing you can't. You have people you love and desire on both sides. Both sides wanting you, niether fully grasping you. You have people who want to help you, but you wont allow even though you desire it. Something is holding you tied to confusion. Not sure what to do you just block off everyone and everything. You try to hide this confusion frmo others, from yourself, but some manageto work in a little. They try to help, but your not sure what to do; let them help or hide even more. You have spent most of your life trying to figure it out but have only figured out that you may never be whole. Most of yourself is hidden from the world. You figure that because its you, you should know these things but can't seem to figure out why you dont know even yourself. Therefor you block everyone and everything out of most of your life. Decieving others even at times, feeling as if its the only way to protect them from the confusion...........

I sit here at my computer in my room wondering about what has happened what is happening and what will happen. I think about every choice I've made; was it worth it, was it wrong!? I look outside my window into the night sky and think somewhere far away there is someone doing the same thing. They sit there wondering what will become of them. Then I think, "Why am I wondering about this when all I should be worried about is the present?". I should not care about what past issues I have had to deal with, what I will have to face as tomorrow dawns... I should care about here, now, "The Present". For as we all know we can not change the past and the future will never come. We live in the present and learn from the past so hopefully one day our future will be better for us and those around us. As I ponder these thing I look at the world today and think, "If only we could all learn to accept each other and care for one another the world would be in a better shape!", but then I realize this will never happen and I don't get disgusted or appaled, I hang my head in sorrow knowing that this world will only be brought about to it's end by our own hands. I think what poor induviduals that have been most recently born and yet to be born are coming into. I worry about the little ones and hope our world will soon get better....