oh my me, i just had the weirdest motherfucking dream....
or dreams, rather....
the latter.... i was at this fairly ritzy restaurant, i was sitting in the corner, with i'm assuming who was Ashley. we kinda got into it, and she stormed off, and we continued to kinda get into it... but this blonde fucking cunt fucking said something, and it set me off, and i berated her .... but it was so reminiscent of Bill Hicks, that it slowly morphed into him... and when he fixed his tie, looking around mischeviously like it was time to go, really sly and cheeky-like, he bolted through the restaurant and over a ropebridge... i really wish i could remember what was said, because the flow of it was so beautiful, as it was kinda me... i don't know, it was odd. anyways, yeah.... time for the first one....
i was living with ashley and two other chica's.... Ash had her hair ....the tips were frosted pink and blonde, and it was feathered out, for what of a better way to put it, but it was hella curly... anyways, i was fucking ashley and one of the other chicks, i'm assuming. and Ash found out... (i know i should've wrote this out as soon as i woke up the first time...twitch) but there were two kids, one of which were mine... i think, maybe both. i can't remember, but once again, me and the two of them got into it, and all three left. the friend, the one i wasn't banging came into a bedroom, unsure whose, and lookked sad, like she didn't want to leave.... but they did, and i went and sat on the floor in the livingroom, against the wall, with my hands between my knees... when this little blonde girl, who we'll call Kali Lylene Jones, and assume it were my daughter, poked her head out of the hallway. i looked at her and smiled... i believe i was crying, which is a feat in and of itself, and she came over and held me... like daughters do, or at least like cats do (no, hey don't hold you, but they come over when you're sad and nuzzle) ...and Ash came in, taking her away... and i woke up. it truly, truly wasn't pretty... but beautiful at the same time. and the more i'm trying to remember it, the second girl looked like a thin version of Des... but not really. i don't know... it was just fucking odd....
i hate dreaming, and that is why i do my best not to do such a thing. not the weirdest dream i've ever had.....
that was pro'ly the one involving my mother, her mom, a strip-club/tattoo parlor/squater commune on the chinese new year, involving hot girls stripping and giving tattoos, and a dog completely covered in rice. i remember that one well. then again, the one about working at the hotel while naked was kinda odd... and these two kids were snickering at me, like they knew something i did not.... then again, there's the one where i saw an ex of mine at the hotel ... i had a lot of dreams about that place, and not always while i slept on duty. lol but that's pretty much it... few have really stuck with me....
then there was the one involving me and Ash, at the grand canyon, and me falling off the edge, but more sliding off the edge. and it wasn't the grand canyon but someplace comparable, and the only thing i remember realising was the fact that it was dark, in the desert, and there would be scorpions, and i told her not to worry about it, that it would be okay, and that she should leave... she tried analysing that one. it was odd.
sometimes i wonder why my brain functions so vividly...
wait... the worst dream i ever had... i dreamed that i received a call about my father dying, and i kept waking up and going back to sleep and the dream kept continuing... but what was so unsettling about that one was A, that it kept continuing and the feeling i had. the feeling of foreboding and dread...
...yeah, i think that's all the dreams that have really stuck with me over the years... some worse and weir.... wait, one more....
i pulled into the driveway at home before i'd moved back, it was nighttime, and my headlights caught the Catholic running into the back yard. i followed her back, and there was a party going one, and i couldn't find her. anywhere.... and when i woke up, i was still reaching for her... and outside on the patio, smoking, i remember saying "how the fuck are you still in my head?" yeah, i remember cursing the silly coose.
now, that's all that've stuck with me, outside of this dream in my childhood, but it is trivial. i guess the oddest thing is, the dreams i had today took place during the day, when it was bright and sunny... and not knowing anything about dream analasys... i would say it has something to do with my frame of mind, how things were once dark, and now they are light. how i'm stepping out of the darkness and moving along. or it could always be that those dreams i had were when i was working third shift and perpetually in the dark, and now i've become one of the dreaded -day- people. i don't know, i don't set much store about someone elses interpretation of an abstraction such as -dreams-. t'is just a bunch of hogwash because dreams are what they are. internal fantasies or fears manifesting themselves in the human subconscious.
for example, the first i had, about Ash and the other chick and the daughter...
because i'm terrified that i'm going to fucker up and lose the Ash, the only girl who truly supports me, and while she may not always understand what i'm fuckering on about, at least she tries. she also fuels my messianic complex by referring to me as god. either because she believes it, or because she just wants to humour her delusional financier (fuck you, it's a Young Frankenstein reference) .... neither would really surprise me much.
and the second, was a manifestation of my desire to actually go off on someone unrelentlessly and my desire to meet bill hicks. the pseudoargument with ash was merely a trigger, a catalyst. nothing to think on, but me berating some cunt was beautiful. it could also have something to do with me cutting my losses, at all costs. but nonetheless, there was a substantial beauty in the scene. and i remember my dreamself thinking ... "my god, these words... you're really getting into a flow, and it's beautiful. don't stop." because it was pure, unadulterated screaming, and i've never done that. the blonde was under the table cloth, and she lifted it up to make her snide comment. and i lifted it up real sheepish like, and made a snide comment to her, and continued to open the flood gates on her. and i morphed into me watching bill hicks, i think.
now, why's that? because i wish i had his energy. he had a beautiful mind...
...and on that note, i get to work. should be done today. fuck i hope. later, kids.
have fun, stay out of trouble, and don't hurt anyone ....unless they deserve it.
christopher.
