I believe that there are two types of people in the world, those that are happiest by themselves, meaning that they don't need someone to help complete them, and that they never get lonely or feel alone if by themselves. Than you have the opposite side of the coin, those people that aren't happy by themselves. They don't feel comfortable alone, and loneliness is second nature to them if they don't have someone in their lives. I am not referring to the peripheral people like friends and family, I'm referring to a significant other, a lover, a husband or wife, someone that actually completes them in some form or manner. Can you guess to which group I belong? You guessed it, I'm one of the people that aren’t comfortable alone, but here I sit in my apartment all alone. At first I thought that my being alone, and therefore lonely, was because I'm overweight, but I have found out that my weight isn't the cause of my loneliness. I have found men that are completely happy with the idea that I am overweight and wouldn't change one single thing about me physically. So what is the problem? I can't rightly say, but whenever I meet someone that I could actually be happy with, that I feel would compliment me in innumerable ways, and would make me feel complete, they are separated by distance. Now I don't necessarily mean miles, although quite often that is the case, but also emotionally distant, to where you couldn't reach an emotion because it's hidden behind emotional walls of solid steel. I've met several men in the last few months, in fact there is one that I would gladly trade all that I own to be with, and there are others that make me happy just by being in the world. Some would say that I'm perhaps greedy, but I don't thinks so, I just think I'm lonely, like a lot of others I've met. But herein lies the rub, most of the men I've met are separated by miles, and my ex boyfriend was one of the emotionally distant, and don't think I don't wish that I'd known that before hand, my life would certainly be different today, perhaps not in basic nature, because I sit here and I am still alone and still lonely. This doesn't seem to change as I get older, in fact the loneliness seems to get worse, perhaps because I don't want to end my days alone. I want to have someone to come home to at night, or someone that will come home to me. I want someone that isn't afraid, or embarrassed, to hold my hand and wants to feel connected to me in a myriad of ways. I want to be able to cuddle with someone on the sofa, and snuggle with someone at night, to make love, and laugh with someone. I can be surrounded by friends and family, but it doesn't change the need to be loved and wanted. It doesn't fill the emptiness or assuage the loneliness, it may put a 'bandage' on it, but it doesn't cure it or take it away. I don't want to be alone anymore, what about you?
