For serveral months now I have been saying I was single, but I wasn't free. Yes I left the man that I've loved for 10 years but I wasn't free from him. I wanted to stop what I was doing here in Nashville and run back home to him, I even got to the point where I wanted to kill myself over him, but on Friday morning about 6:30 am my best friend gave me a wake up call.
Let me explain, the night before I got drunk and high off of coffee and some meds I'm taking for my seizures and I wrote words down on paper stating how I hated my life and that I wanted to died. I wrote shit that make you think I was really lossing my mind. My best friend read these stupid words and beat the shit out of me, yes I said she beat the shit out of me with a stick. Now I didn't know what made her so mad until yesterday when we was setting up for a christmas party, but that ass whipping woke me up...
why the fuck am I going to kill myself over a man? What makes him so different the other men I have met in my life? I know it not easy leaving a love like our behind but what was the point in the begining, to start over, to find what I was looking for in life.
The mister treated me like a child at time, and maybe a person like me liked that, to have someone there when you got home from work, someone there to hold you when you are scared, yes he was all that to me, but since I turn 40 I see things different. and since my best friend beat the shit out of me as well, I wroke the fuck up. there are other men out there that can or would love to have a woman to devoted to him. I know there is somone for everyone and one day maybe I will find my Prince.
But I'm not holding my breath. I'm more forces on my needs now, having sex with people is not what I'm looking for to set the record straight, I'm here in Nashville to find me, not we. I have done the marriage thing, I have done the long term relationship thing, Now I'm just doing my thing. I'm having fun, meeting new people and going out.
I want to make this clear to everyone that reads this, I still LOVE men, and one day the Lord will send me someone that just for me, but right now, I'm just doing me.
Before I end, My family is fine, my daugher just graudated from bootcamp at Fort Jackson and is not on her way to AIT class, my son has his own place and two jobs, and my baby girl is doing well in school, The Lord gave me such wonderful children and I'm so proud to be their mom.
Well, Until...
