Deviantly Done's blog: "what the f*ck?"

let me see, it seems like a good time for a journal. a journal is suposed to be a question of sorts that one can not figure out for the day or week or year, right? or a thought.. (we will get there)why is it He is always so willing to be rid of me?that is the question.why is it love is truly so blind?and then as always what is truly the point?You would think the point would be happiness or love perhaps money or things. when is it the fact that you love some one so much you are willing to sacrfice happiness to be with them? something long lasting and undeniable for something that you would think lasting and inpetrible. then there it all go out the ever loving window. "OVER WHAT?!?" you might ask? simply put a piece of ass..

I am tired of hiding I am tired of crying. I am tired of wanting to die and tired of trying. I would have never known what it is like to die. I would have never known what it was like to cry. I would have never known laughter’s true sound I would have never known what it was like to want to kneel on the ground. I would have never known what it is like to feel known. There is always a piece of one with me. But He doesn’t have to tell me. Don’t tell me I will regret for your sake; the only regret will be yours. Leave me alone. Let me stay home. Do not whine and cry. Why can’t he understand? I do not want to give this another try. I can not. I need some one that IS stronger then the earth and sun; for me. I need someone if I fall will carry me. I need someone who will be there when I need to lean. Please, please understand I am not trying to be mean. It’s just really WHAT ABOUT ME? So why not take what was once and leave it in the past Remember, that is what you asked. Why not let new love have a try? He makes me laugh never causes me to cry. The only question left unanswered is why? Why did I cause tears from the eyes? Why did I almost let our love die? Why did I not want to let a sleeping dog lie? Five years is a long time to try. It is a long time to wonder why. So now I believe I will say good bye. Good bye to being erratically controlled. Good bye to a life where I always feel old. Good bye to a life that’s menial and cold. Good bye to a life that I am small and timid; rather than Tall and Bold.

They tell me demons, monsters and dragons don’t exist. I think they may not be in your reality; why can they not be in mine? I grew up with angels and monsters and there was even a person I had never met nicked Dragon Lady. The point is there were creatures of a mythical proportion. I had my very own knights in shining armor. There were Queens and Kings, princes and princesses. Evil wicked witches and what seemed like fairy godmothers or could have been. So why now that I am an adult should that change? Is chivalry really dead? I think not, but if you would of asked me a month ago; I would have laughed and said pretty pretty princess land is no longer around, hell it was never really there. Two months ago it would have been fairy tales are a thing of the past, but some of it truly is real. Definitely not the romance part, the sharing kindness, respect or unyielding devotion they are only the dream of a child. I again believe in the magic, the fairytale of life that’s what keeps it interesting is the hurdles we must all face. Make them the monsters and demons. We all have wicked witch some times people have two. Make it a fairy tale only you deside the ending. It can be what ever you make it so paint the streets in silver and make the night of onyx. Only you can make it a happy ending but I can help make interestingly beautiful. Wanna play?

Pinch me poke me bite me. Let me know you want me; I know there is no other like me. Smooth as glass. I want to feel your crop across my ass. The things you do to make the tingles all over my body. Tell me your wishes, Ill make your desires. The way you make me feel can only take me higher. I want you to touch me, your fingers release me. Your smile makes me warm and your kiss holds my thoughts.. I close my eyes and I see your face I lick my lips and can imagine your taste. Honestly way I feel about you makes me fly threw space. I want to bring you honor to the amount of respect I carry for you. I am truly devoted to you. I am devastated when we are apart. I adore being in your presence, I love being at your feet. My head rests so comfortably on your lap. I feel I am safe when in your presence. So long as you are watching I will play your game what ever game you wish, if it makes you proud I will do all things just for this.

is it real that thing they call love that one little thing that will make the heavens stop above? is it true, i do not think so i do not think i will ever love you. i do not think there is any love inside of me. for love is something that doesnt really exsist. honestly it is not love ever it is truely lust. a primal natural thing. enriched in desire, seathing with heat and passion. nothing more then lust bite me! beat me! whip me! tease me! i am good come and treat me like im the nasty little slut you should. i will tantilize your sinces. i will give you the darkness, relish in your laugh. I will give you my everything as long as you are real with me.