It's the same thing over and over again. I'm feeling bummed with how I look. I hate how I look. I'm tired of feeling negative about myself and I can't help it.
I mean, I just want to be someone that someone would notice...Yeah, people will say stuff to me over the net....why don't I ever hear it in person?
I don't expect just some random person to be like "ooo damn, you're so hot" or whatever.. Like, I want that eye catching moment from someone.... Ya know, like..hmmm on Alladin..... when he see's Jasmine for the first time.
I'm tired of hearing other guys chat about all these other girls. I'm jealous.... Yeah....
I want that moment...I want to know what it's like.
I want that attention....
I always feel so stupid when I try to pretty up myself...I always look in the mirror, trying to make myself look decent...I try to hide my fat in my clothes....Sometimes when I think I look alright, it will quickly turn to negative thoughts.
Even if I were to lose the weight that I wanted....perhaps I would still feel the same about myself. That's what people tell me anyways... That I just need to love myself....Do I?
Then people tell me...Oh but Rich loves you right? Doesn't he tell you you're beautiful and junk? Yeah...but I don't believe him...
I get so jealous when guys look at other girls...why not me? What's wrong with me? All I can think about is that I have a poor figure...I'm badly shaped.....overweight and junk. And sorry, I just can't help it to think that guys want chicks that aren't fat....maybe chubby would be the limit...but more than that....no..
I'm just tired of feeling this way...wishing that I was someone else...wishing to be someone else...wondering what it would be like...
Maybe in my next life, I'll know what it will be like.
