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the host

the host

 

I've never felt so alive
from what I can remember....
recalling a fallout
from a long december....
still she fed inside me
a paracitic democracy
as my body take the burden

I'm feeling this pulse with a rabid stare
addictive...yearning for more
down the rabbit hole when you take this dare
always in awe for whats in store....
she feeds this life....
she feeds my strife....

i'm a host to all I've lost
gutting the fabric to the thread that I've sewn
taking this chance for all costs
throwing away everything i've known

she's feeding this hate
and eats it away
how can this paracitic reformation
be the glance that makes me stay
be the stance that makes me pray
make withering eyes falter in dismay

I'm a host to all I've lost
gutting this fabric to the thread that I've sewn
taking this chance for all costs
throwing away everything I've known

I've become a concubine to this combine
in a rejoice full bliss
waiting for karma to bring one last wish.....
felling the chill shudder my spine
waiting for karma to bring one last kiss......
she feeds this life......
tears down this stife.....

waiting for karma to bring one last kiss

104 degrees of solitude

104 degrees of solitude

 

sounds of white noise echo
through beige walls and grey thought
this light never seemed so dull before
lifeless......a constant quandary
I feel tormented
if these mutating walls could talk
they would speak of the skeletons
you've gracefully swept under the welcome mat

if history is bound to repeat it's self
am i destine for sorrow?
I'm tethered to this carousel
spinning to the verge of insanity
an all aboard ride
within my carnival from the eyes of madness

from a distance I hear
the music box clamor
melding with alarm clock wails
trapped in a lucid synergy
semi-conscious harrowing
thrust upon mental betrayal

why cant i free myself
from this war waged in my head
i'm my own worst enemy
yet i cant be defeated.........
soulless in a schitzophrenic web
tangled through the silk
of chaotic synapses


i'm better left for dead.......

atrophied

 

i've been down here far too long
the light hurts my eyes
sounds echo...pulsing..coarsing
is this a heartbeat?
the rythm in my head
a painful reminder

27 years
digging this hole....searching
how will i ever be able to climb out
blind...mute...deaf...numb
memories my only vision
memories my only malice

cachexia.......
days turn to nights
whithering away all ive become
and all ive yet to be

blame it all on circumstance
blame it on fate
blame it on the lack of substance
for which i create

i've given up too many times
battles marked by body scars
and contusions for all i long
to be useful.... useless
useless as this heart is
my atrophied needs a beat

cachexia.......
days turn to nights
whithering away all ive become
and all ive yet to be

when regret subdues the unconsious mind
i need to make it stop
i need the rythm......i need the blood
coursing through my viens
coursing through my life
to bring me life
through my atrophied
my atrophied heart.........



a voice rang out through the corridor
of another heartless plea
invisible twist thought the turnstiles
could this calling be me?

bloodshot awakening
the ringing in my ears
look above to the noose's bellowing
this could once render all of my fears

flash of conscience
numb of desire
giving all for nothing
giving all to quelch this fire
that burns savishly within
to understand this bitter end
is to find a new way to begin

who would aknowledge
such a ritualistic demise
through a search for a maker
an uneasy compromise
we spend a lifetime for an answer
when we can reach it in seconds
take the rope
and welcome as it beckons

yet i'm still searching
for a hopefull tomorrow
a universal calm
no need to beg steal or borrow
but this happens within dreams
secure of harms way
funny how nothing's as it seems
when lucid eyes see the grey

the fibers hold tight
as it's grip tells of fate
I only wished but never quite
to see a future worldly great......

writing


a subtle difference
between madness and reality
hidden through vacant skies
falling far from this deity
chaotic deafening cries

I can't make sense anymore
of this juxtaposition
hearing your voice in color
seeing this face through the taste
I can't comprehend my transition

I think I've lost it this time
the bearings bore too loose
I've grown comfortable
with this decorative decay
don't know which path I can choose

your face bears the reflection
of my brickwall enclosure
like playing chicken with a freight train
these boundaries are soon to break

ooooh this light is daunting
a choir of screams
fighting the sandmans chicanery
interrupting my dreams

I think I've lost it this time
the bearings bore too loose
I've grown comfortable
with this decorative decay
don't know which path I can choose

my madness overwhelmed......
I'm lost for you.........

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