I believe that it is the single most important thing
in all of creation. An emotion that eclipses all
others, one that drains and yet at the same time fills
ones soul with such happiness. I helps you to feel
secure, special and gives you a sense of acceptance
that allows you to accomplish such wonderful things.
Love defines us yet does not control us. It is the
ultimate act and expression of trust in another human
being. It is truth and honesty. it is the celebration
of sharing yourself and your life with another. It is
giving everything you are and only taking that which
is freely given in return. Love is not demanding or
demeaning. Love hurts but is never hurtful.
It is such a wonderful concept. Is it not?
The problem is everyone sees love as something
different We, in my opinion, are all born with an
ideal picture of love. Then as we begin to grow every
person we interact with effects our perception of
love.
Our parents abuse or ignore us. Our brothers and
sisters wound and belittle us. Every relationship we
have warps that ideal. We are betrayed, hurt and
beaten down until love becomes this thing to be hated
and feared.
Yet still we seek it, it is in our nature to do so.
As that wonderful thing that was inside us at birth
moves farther from our grasp we become more desperate
to find it and hold it. But it is too late. We have
become so broken that to have somebody love us is a
concept that we just will not accept.
So begins our end. We cant share ourselves with
somebody we don't love. But nobody can or is allowed
to love us. We are alone. Nobody can hurt me if I
never let anyone inside. Oh sure we have relationships
but all they tend to do at this point is reinforce the
sickness we have. They further erode our trust of
others and our unwillingness to give anything that
resembles our true self.
So we hide. We retreat. We lose faith and we decide
that love is not worth the effort of the potential for
hurt.
We find excuse, we manufacture reasons and we
sabotage. We become a destroyer of that which we have
so desparatly sought. We continue to spread the
disease that that others have infected us with.
We walk away from people that love us and think to
ourselves "They just don't understand me". But the
horrible truth is that we never gave them the chance
to understand, we were never honest with them or
ourselves.
Sometimes we are lucky and find a way to break out of
this pattern. I don't really know what happens if you
don't. I suppose you spend the rest of your life alone
and bitter. I was one of the lucky ones.
