So I have been thinking A LOT lately,
for no paricular reason just thinking... about LOVE usually.
But, what does love really mean? To me love is--hard to explain for sure, but at the same time I'm not sure it is something you can explain it really. I'm sure you've been in a situation where someone you care about a lot asks "Why do you like me so much?" and they get all pissed off because you can't explain in words as to why you like this person, or atleast the words do no justice about like how much you really like the person... and like I said I've been thinking a lot and I think I figured a lot out.
About 2 years ago I was with someone, I thought the world of him. We seemed so picture perfect, I was a high school cheerleader, amazing grades, and no worries--except of course, "What will I wear tomorrow?". John, he was fresh out of high school, graduated 12th in his class, and all the time in the world for me. We did things couples did.. went to dinner, kissed, watched movies, talked for way too long about absolutely nothing, and fought. Boy did we fight! I would get so jealous over stupid things like TALKING to his ex which was rediculous of me. I decided One: If you're getting jealous and sneaking around you are in an unstable relationship and are too insecure for anything. That was just the beginning because then he enlisted in the military and between the stress of not being able to see each other and the argueing we decided to break up. All I could think about is how can this possibly be happening to me and this isn't right how could he do this to me but then I shortly realised... it wasn't him doing ANYTHiNG to me, I was just way too immature--and it sucked. Which let me to number Two: You have to be secure with yourself before you can be completely secure with someone else.
So how do you know if it's meant to be? Is it love or lust? Well these are some very good questions... by definition alone the two differ in that, love is based on an affinity while lust is based solely on desire. The two also differ in how they affect a relationship but sometimes it becomes difficult to separate the two because lust can exist in the presence of love. However a lustful relationship may not necessary have a negative affect on a relationship but it also may not be as positive as a loving relationship. It's amazing to think the smallest three words can make such an impact on someone's life. I love you so powerful and yet people just don't get it-- you can walk down a hallway and overhear [people] exchanging these words, but do they really mean it? Maybe, but probably not. It's rediculous! I believe love is about forgiveness.. and acceptance-- you need to take your partners qualities and accept them not just the good and not just the bad EVERYTHING. Three: Nobodies perfect, we all have flaws--get over it! Most people these days get caught up in lust and just assume it's love. People get excited and anxious and rush into things that weren't meant to be. LOVE NEVER FAILS! Four: Love is unconditional don't mourn over something that seems to be falling apart because it just was not meant to be. If it really is meant to be it will happen, if not something is out there that is better for the both of you. You may feel like during a break up, or even worse divorce, that nothing's going your way and you wasted a whole hell of a lot of time. But don't think like that--it was an experience, sure it may have not worked out but just remember you're better off. Five: Don't force anything.
How do you deal with a break up then? Why is it so hard even though you know in the back of your head that you will be ok? I read this on a website..
[10 signs you know it's time to break up]
10. You no longer look forward to spending time alone with your partner.
You may still have a good sex life (or not!) but actually talking to your partner seems like a chore. If spending time alone with your partner seems like a prison sentence you may be up for a parole.
9. You begin comparing your partner to others.
This is particularly true when other people seem more appealing to you. We all find others – often those we don't have – attractive. If however, you find that you're comparing specific traits – a person's voice, their neatness, they way they carry themselves, etc., against others; especially things your partner can't change - you should re-evaluate your relationship.
8. You criticize or "micro-manage" your partner
If you're always concerned that your partner's socks aren't exactly right for his pants, or that she wears too much make-up, or that he or she just can't seem to take their responsibilities seriously, don't look at them – look at yourself. People that are in love tend to look beyond minor annoyances to the bigger picture. If you're having trouble doing this you may want to work on your exit plan.
7. You start trying to change your partner
Many people fall in love with people that excite them, but find that this excitement isn't good for them in the long term. On the other hand, they may find someone "stable" that doesn't provide enough variety in their relationship. If you find that you're constantly trying to convert your partner from the person you fell in love with, it may be time to bolt.
6. You re-connect with ex lovers
It's one thing to send an ex-girlfriend a birthday card. It is entirely another to take her out for dinner and a movie "just to catch up". The trick here is to be honest about your motivations. If you had the chance to sleep with him or her, would you? Are you looking for approval or an ego-boost from him or her? Have you forgotten why you broke up in the first place?
5. His or her jokes are no longer funny
Of course, you may have heard them 1,000 times, but people in love tend to look beyond this repetitiveness. They see that their partner is being humorous, not how funny something is or isn't.
4. You're doing all the giving – or all the getting
Relationships are about mutual benefit. If one partner is benefiting over the other, the relationship isn't healthy. This doesn't mean that everything should be exactly balanced. For example, just because one partner spends $50 on a birthday present, that the other should spend exactly that amount. Nor does it mean that both partners should always split a dinner check. If one person pays all the time, and the other doesn't at least cook a few meals, there is something wrong – and unhealthy about the relationship.
3. You constantly find ways to include others in your activities
Always including others indicates that you're not looking forward to being alone with your partner. Of course, you need time with your friends, but if you never have private time, or the only time you're alone is when you're having sex, perhaps the problem is in the company.
2. Your friends no longer like being around you when you're with your partner
Your friends don't have to dislike your partner – perhaps they don't like what affect your partner has on YOU! Consider that your relationship with your friends is at least as important in the long run as your relationship with your partner. In fact, it may be MORE important as they will see you as you really are, and will be there even if he or she isn't – IF you treat them right!
1. You no longer feel good about yourself
At first, this seems like a strange warning sign about your relationship, but think about how you felt when you first hooked up with your partner. You felt great – about yourself and your world. If this is now lacking where it was there before, you may want to look at your relationship.
it makes sense.. so how to cope with it?
Well I think it makes it easier when you become firmly grounded, and give yourself time. Also, remember two things--be kind to yourself... AND your ex-partner. It makes everything so much easier.
I met someone recently and I like him a lot but I really fucked it up--he just got divorced [don't worry he's not that old lol 23] his wife cheated while he was in Iraq... fighting so she and everyone else can be safe! What kind of bullshit is that? Well, that's what I used to say-- I met this guy through his room mate, I've talked to his room mate for a LONG time and I really clicked with him he seemed very down to earth and easy going.. which is what I need. Well, we were all planning to get together sometime and we started talking more. He started liking me and I ended up liking him too-- and his room mate (the one I was originally talking to) stopped talking to me as much and we just got distant. I wasn't really sure what to do because I liked them both--they're amazing! They knew I was talking to both of them and there was no problem.. but I wanted more-- I wanted closure from the guy I originally was talking to because even though we weren't together I felt guilty... well I never got it-- and alcohol has a gay ass affect on what people say... people say alcohol makes people tell the truth-- but, I believe alcohol makes people sound and look retarded. Like honestly retarded... it messes up your train of thought and everyone reading this that has drank knows what the fuck I'm talking about because it deffinetly makes you say things you would NEVER usually say. Well, of course this new, nice, cute, amazing guy I started talking to found out about the texts-- and now we don't talk.. it's only been like almost 2 days but it seems like forever.. So basically, if you're reading this.. I'm sorry! HONEST!
BASICALLY that's all... I'm sorry this was very--hard to read and/or understand I was rambeling I know..
