What is Intimacy?
Today, the word intimacy
has taken on sexual connotations.
But it is much more than that.
It includes all the
different dimensions of our lives
-- yes, the physical,
but also the social, emotional,
mental and spiritual aspects as well.
Intimacy really means total life sharing.
And haven't we all had the desire
at one time or another
for closeness, for oneness,
for sharing our life with someone totally?
Marshall Hodge wrote a book called
"Your Fear of Love."
In it he says,
"We long for moments
of expressions of love,
closeness and tenderness,
but frequently, at the critical point,
we often draw back.
We are afraid of closeness.
We are afraid of love."
Later in the same book Hodge states,
"The closer you come to somebody,
the greater potential there is for pain."
It is the fear of pain
that often drives us away
from finding true intimacy.
I was giving a series of lectures
at a university in southern Illinois.
After one of the meetings,
a woman came up to me and said,
"I have to talk to you about
my boyfriend problems."
We sat down,
and she began telling me her troubles.
After a few moments,
she made this statement:
"I am now taking steps
never to get hurt again."
I said to her,
"In other words,
you are taking steps
never to love again."
She had thought I misunderstood,
so she continued.
"No, that's not what I am saying.
I just don't want
to get hurt anymore.
I don't want pain in my life."
I said,
"That's right,
you don't want love in your life."
You see,
there is no such thing
as "painless love."
The closer we come to somebody,
the greater potential there is
for pain.
I would estimate that you
(and around 100 percent of the population)
would say you have been hurt
in a relationship before.
The question is,
how do you handle that hurt?
In order to camouflage the pain,
a lot of us give people what I call
the "double-sign."
We say to a person,
"Look, I want you
to come closer to me.
I want to love
and be loved
. . . but wait a minute,
I've been hurt before.
No, I don't want to talk
about these subjects.
I don't want to hear those things."
We build walls
around our hearts
to protect us
from anyone on the outside
getting in to hurt us.
But that same wall
which keeps people out,
keeps us stuck inside.
The result?
Loneliness sets in
and true intimacy
and love become impossible.
~~by Dick Purnell