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Stryder's blog: "What I Want"

created on 12/28/2006  |  http://fubar.com/what-i-want/b38463

What I Want

I read this on a friends page and totally agree with it so I'm posting it here I just want to be with somebody who WANTS to be with me Is that too much to ask for? Somebody who is willing to put as much into a relationship as I am. Maybe I want a whirlwind romance. Someone who will sweep me off my feet. Someone who realises how precious life is and how fleeting it can be. Someone who will take advantage of every moment they have to be near me. Someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them.I just feel so hopeless. Like it can never happen for me. I look around me, and at people I have known in the past. I see so many people who don't even seem to realise what they have. Drugged out crackwhores who are married with families that they dont even care about. (admittedly, they are not too discerning and would settle for anyone, which eases my mind a bit to know that I am not just so messed up that nobody would want to be with me.) I see the workaholics, whose values are so askew that they believe that love equals money. Families falling apart because they quarrel over whether to buy a new boat or a new car. Families falling apart over trivial things. People who have families and a dinner table waiting for them at home, who instead- call to say they are working late and choose to cheat on not just their significant other, but to cheat their family out of a whole-ness that their being there creates. Ultimately hurting everyone that truly cares about them. Because if you really think about it, anyone that would help someone cheat on their s/o has corrupted morals and does not care about anyone or anything. Knowing that there are children out there who wait all day for mommy or daddy to come home, only to be disappointed by the phone call that they will be late. The children are doubly let down because they are cheated out of seeing their loved one before they sleep that night and they have to deal with the parent that IS at home being upset. So many people are married with families that they do not value. But why cant I have that? Marriage and a family is what I want more than anything else in this world. Yet it seems so unattainable. I fail to understand where I am continually going wrong. I take a long hard look at myself and I see the potential within. The values and character traits I possess are not reliant on what car I do or dont drive. The high salary job that I do or dont have. or my social circle of influential friends. Or lack thereof. I am a loving and caring committed individual. I highly value the family aspect of life. I would do anything for those that I care about. Even die. I want to be with a person who places their values in the same areas of life that I do. I want to be with a person who deserves me. Someone who is honest with me due to the simple fact that I will be honest with them. Someone who treats me right. Someone who doesnt look at being with me as a burden, but a privledge. Someone who can take me as I am. I am a person, I am not perfect. I have faults. I am insecure, I am scared. I require positive affirmation. I need to know that I am cared about. That I am valued. That I am loved for who I am. In ways I am very strong. In myself I tend to be very weak. I know that I could accomplish many great things on my own. But the one thing I want more than anything in this world, is something that I cannot make for myself. I cannot force anyone to love me. I cannot make anyone want to be with me, let alone marry me. I am currently looking for a glimmer of hope that marriage is something that I might one day attain. I understand that many people probably dont see a reason to "rush" anything, But I am coming to grips with the fact that life is a very fragile thing. And that nobody is guaranteed the promise of tomorrow. It is completely outside of our control. I wish that I could just help others to understand this simple fact of life, but unfortunately- we each have to come to terms with it in our own way. I am just happy that I finally understand what has been gnawing at me for so long. The thing that I suconsciously knew, but was just at the edge of my mind. Too hazy to really get a grip on. Todays lesson- mortality- the sooner you understand it, the longer you have to enjoy the rest of your life.
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