Today is Sep.27,2007. It Thrusday evening and I have been thinking about alot that has been bothering me for the last 3 years.
I am now 24 years old as of last month, (August the 20) And I still don't understand why everything I do feels like its wrong all the time. In 2004 I meet very beautiful young lady and we kicked it day and night together...A month after her and I got together cuz at the time I was staying with my mom, her boyfriend, lil sister and lil brother. After her and I got together as a couple my mom's bf threw me out on the street because I was being nice when she came to me and asked me if I had a little extra money to loan her. Her and her mom and her bf didn't have a thhing to eat in their house so I took my last ten dollars and gave it to her so they could have some food to eat for a few days until they got on their feet.
Well I ended up moving in with her and her loving family cuz I had no place to live at the time.Well things went incredible that it was a dream come true being with her besides her not wanting me around my family nor hanging out with my friends...Well Aug. 23 2005 her and I found out we was having a child of our own. God it was the best feeling I ever had in my life besides my dreams and goals where coming true finally. I was the happiest I have ever felt in my life after that day. It took me a a few weeks to grow some balls and guts to tell my family I had my first child on the way...I was scared to tell them cuz I knew they was going to disappoint me so much that I did want to say they was my own blood.
What did ya know I was right the whole entire time when I told my family, they where like who gives a damn its your problem and why in the hell you telling us for? After that they said they didn't have anything to do with me or the child or the young woman I was with....God it hurt so much that I gave up on everything the gurl I was with was hurt as well as I was.
Sep.13,2005 My dad sent me a bus ticket to come down to Falkville ALabama to stay with him cuz the gurl I was with kicked me tohe curb wouldn't even talk to me or anything. So I had no place to live once again... So I thought about things over and over and took a chance in trying to give my dad a second chance in life after 17 years and trying to work out our relationship problems.
And well I will say that was the wrost mistake I have ever made in my life.I thought things through and figured out what I wanted in life and well I thought about her and the child we had on the way more than anything...How I just wanted to be there and be part of a real family, a family that I could call my own.
Well I spent from Sep.14,2005 until Dec.24,2005 in Alabama well until I got a phone call from the gurl my heart belonged to...She was wanting me to come back and be together again and well I came back to be with her and our child we had on the way.
Jan.4,2006 we got back together for a month and I sometimes don't even know why I came back here in this town I am in now. After I foud out she lost our child and that my mom and real dad had it plan out to break her and I apart for good I lost it.But what I don't understand is why did she have to lie the same day of finding out she lost our child and hit me with a restaining order saying I beat on her, that I screwed her dog,(Which isn't true)...That I had a drug problem,(After finding out she had the drug problem all along)...And so many more things.
Well Shortly after that something my dad said to me while I was trying to give him a second chance in my life with me changing for the best to better myself as well as the ones I loved. " Son when you was born you didn't mean a damn thing to me or your mom nor the rest of the family) That you was a mistake in life to everyone) God that made me really wanna die after that.
Still today I haven't figured out why all these has happen to me or why I try so hard just to make my only goals in life happen and then it gets shoot down and starts to crash like a broken airplane falling from the skys above us. I haven't asked for much in life but a lil respect and a chance to become a better father than my own just to say hey I am glad I didn't go through the things my family does everyday you know.
Well Now I just feel like I don't even fit in or like I don't belong even with my own blood.As for gurls being in my life its lik once they hear all these they run and hide they don't even want give me a chance anymore...Well Now I have gotten alot that has been bothering me these past few years out I feel a lil better but not much as I'd like to...But I guess on believing in a lil prayer and hope for thing in my life to turn good might help but how I feel right now is unbelievable and I don't feel like even living anymore
