I ask myself as I get more and more tired.
What am I here for?
What am I holding on for?
What if anything do I want?
When am I going to open my eyes?
When am I going to see what is real?
When am I going to see who is fake?
Am I holding on to nothing?
Am I here for your pleasure?
Do I make your day better?
Do I cross your mind,
As you put your phone on it's charger?
Am I here because I am scared?
Am I here determined to make this work?
Should I let you go?
Should I give you more space?
Should I be who I hate to be?
Should I stop caring?
Can I be a better me without you?
Can I be who you want?
Can I take your sarcasism first thing in the morning?
Why is it so easy for other men?
To tell me how good I look?
To tell me I'm funny, to laugh at my jokes.
With you it is hard, I fish for the compliment.
Am I trying to hard? Am I giving in too much?
Am I betraying myself? Am I betraying you?
Could you really be this person I think you can be?
Could we change for each other for the good.
Or will this break me again?
Will I end up hurt and confused?
Will I hate you for never straying away from who you were.
Will I be able to get out of bed?
Will you still hug me?
Will you still love me when I've nothing to say?
Will you still need me?
Will you still want me?
Will you still remember my smell?
Will you still reach for me in the middle of the night?
Will you still remember our conversations?
Am I holding on to nothing?
Just for the sake of holding on to something?
Just for the smile?
Just for the random texts?
Just for the fact that you make my toes curl?
Just because I want you to want me?
