Im going to pick my moms funeral clothes out today, she just wont wake up anymore and my family is super super mad that i havnt gone to see her this week since she went down hill. Soooo to be honest i cant stop crying no matter how hard i try, even though i've seen it coming for 4 years, and its almost ended more times than i can count but this time is real and i gota call people and let them know.
So im alone at home with nothing to do but cry.
And they said to get a pic so when they fix her up she'll look like she used to but i dont wanna. I dont wanna see mom there i'd rather her look like the cancer patient that i been taken care of for the last 4 years, not my mom that babied me and let me do anything i want.
But it took being in a hotel room alone all day to make me finaly start thinking about it. Which is funny cause i thought it would be a short escape away from this mess at home, but all i did all day long was cry, forced myself to sleep, but it only lasted two hours then cried for the rest of the night until it was time to come home.
But very soon i get to meet with my friend about finaly working. I need it so bad, I dun even wanna think about how much the funeral is about to cost us, since in order to get on medicade we had to cash in my mom and dads life insurance policies, then they droped us anyway a few months later.
I just dunno
