I thought i would write my first blog. I seem to be at my best when its just me and a peice of paper rather it be on a computer or the good old fashion ink. So much has happened in the past 6 months, I don't even know how im suppose to feel, if there is such a thing as a correct way. Ive seperated from my wife, my kids have to suffer the same broken home life that i lived, and there is nothing i can do. Never have i felt so helpless; and its a shame. Why must children suffer because adults are stupid?? They have to pay for the concsequences of our actions. Just does'nt seem right does it? I look back on all the idiot decisions my parents made, and the effect it had on my life. I try to remember that everything happens for a reason, and i wonder if thats the lesson, im looking at a fucking mirrior image of my own child hood, and the more i scream no!! More and more into the abyss they fall. They want everything to be the way it was, and why the fuck should'nt they?? Its all they knew. Only i realized to late who was really paying the price, and now there is no turning back. If she had her way we the divorce would be final and she would probably already be on number two.lol And if we would have stayed married she would have just continued to screw everyone she came in contact with, and i would have continued to let it go on and destroy everything that I am. When i think about it now, it does'nt seem like such a bad trade off, my happiness for their whole lives. But yeah I guess no more bitching, i screwed up and thats that. The only thing i can do now, is make sure that the rest of the road is paved so that their lives are that much easier. I can do that with a tool called money. Does'nt repair the damage already done but it sure does help. And its still more then what i got in the end. Only this time, im not gonna get blind sided by my emotions. Its all about them and if she's not gonna drive the bus, I will, because ill be damned if i see this shit that i live with every day happen to three more in my family that did'nt do anything to anyone to deserve it.
The day after, lol proof reading.
Comment: Thats one hell of a rant.ha ha. That so could be a song. Laughter really is the best medicine. How else does one get through shit like this?? The only thing you can do is laugh at you'rself, bite the bullet and move on. Well as you can all tell by now, im not a very private person. I have a methode behind that. I want people to know my fears, my emotions, what triggers them. Because im not afraid, I want to be tested. Its been said that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Ill buy that, simply that means if you don't challenge fear, then you are doomed to fear what you have always feared. Or you are doomed to fail where you always have. Think of a boxer fighting a thirteen round fight, the one that is most likely to win, is the one that can anticipate and most importantly adapt to the other boxers fighting style. The faster one learns to do this with all things in life, the closer that individual lands to success in that life. To fear this, means to limit yourself to only one way of liveing. To live without restriction, is to live without fear of fear.
