Well as you all know from before and earlier blogs I have posted my ex fiance kicked me out of the trailer I was living in with him. I am not blaiming him for any of the situations or issues that have arisen from this as I know that the reasoning behind it all is the fact that I met a new man on the internet and he couldn't deal with the fact of me and Andrew being happy together.
So here comes the title of this blog. I am at a point in my life were I don't know were to go or how to get there.
I have 11$ to my name a half assed broken down car that dies on me..speaking of dying I had to push the SOB almost 3 blocks this morning to try and get a jump start, luckily an old man was nice enough to stop and offer me a jump.
Not only are all these things going wrong in my life but I am at a point in my life were I can look forward and say..wow were do I go what do I do, how did I get here and how do I fix this.
That's just it I don't know how to fix this. I need to get back down to Marionville and work some things out. I have no home to live in for the past week almost 2 weeks I have been staying with my grandmother and she has been really supportive of me and helping me.
I have tryed getting a job up here in Carrollton but that doesn't seem to be going to well. I know that work down in Marionville isn't the best but Springfield is only 30 minutes away and well there is always work there. I really want to get back on my feet but I am to the point were I feel like I just should give up on everything.
I have worked and struggled this long and tryed to hard that I am done. I can't live this way anymore and I can't go on letting things bring me down. I am going back to the place were I used to be before I met Eric my ex fiance I don't want to go into that place in my life again but I really don't feel have a choice anymore.
I have asked friends for help, I have asked family for help, I have even asked strangers for help. No one seems to want to help me, My friends all live to far away and the best help they have given me is advice on what to do but seems when I take there advice I just get in deeper situations.
My family has just shunned me away all but my grandmother. My mother doesn't say much about the situation, my father absolutley thinks I am a failure and my sisters really try to stay out of it all.
Strangers have come forth and helped me somewhat I have had one or two offer to help me with money, which has been a big help only to find out that they backed out at the last minute and played me over. Then there was a couple on here that offered me a place to stay for a while till I can get back on my feet. Which I haven't completly ruled them out of the whole picture yet they seem to understand what has happened and are willing to help me out.
As for myself well I feel more and more worthless everyday, hopeless, and just out of site with what is going on. I feel like somedays I could just stare off in space and wonder what it's like to be well off. What it's like to have a little of soemthing. I have nothing nothing to look forward to nothing to step up to and nothing to hold on to. I have no life lines left.
What's to live for now? You tell me.
Because if you know the secret to this mess I got myself in I would love to hear the answer and how to get out because I don't have the first clue on what to do.
