Icarus's blog: "Hope- by any other name."

Do I reek of desperation?

The good news is, I got 400$ I wasn't expecting today.

The bad news is I'm pretty sure my dog broke her tail somehow. So mystery money won't be spent on a new PSP it'll be spent on her broke ass bone. What tipped me off? She went to chew on her tail- like she had a bug bite and immediately started screaming as she did it- she didn't STOP but she did scream about it. Ever since then she's not letting it be handled and whimpering and yelping at the slightest touch. There's no lieson's or cuts or bumps, makes me think there's a break- dunno how that happened.

Stayed at my parents' old house god that was traumatizing, but I did get to see my goddaughter- got called uncle, that was different. I do miss that town, but christ know's I can't make a living, and I'd go insane with no late night life there. I mean, sure I don't hit the bars much here but having the option is nice. That place is TEENY. I've been dutifully adheering to my workout routine and pseudo diet- y'know, high fat, high carbs sane portions- dessert less than once a week. If I was working on baking and sweets I'd probably blimp up, but that's not really the project right now, on that same note

seriously

I hate this time of night. No one's up to talk, I'm in NO mood to machine gun my FFXI leveling, I can't cook, sleep or fuck.

I no longer believe in steak. I can braise a tougher more flavorful piece of meat and then stew it for a much better taste and finish. After my beef stew beef bourgonion and lamb- steak is ... kinda done for me. -Unless- its a salt cured dry aged prime rib. Now that's irresistable. I'm not done with beef- just steak. As for everything else, yeah, I'm still depressed, but not crippling. I'm kinda getting my second wind since saying goodbye to my house and saying hello to my goddaughter.

I'm backing off from FFXI and looking for work. I've been working on the list of reasons work is better than starvation and I'm almost ready to give work a chance. I'm gonna go out tonight probably drive in a random direction, listen to music I'm tired of, pick up some tea and yet another dissapointing want ad.

What was the purpose of this post? I don't think there was one. I don't really have someone to tell this crap to, so it kinda gets jotted down so it can be a bit more real.

Projects this week

Job.

I hate this blog double space formatter

coconut milk chicken brine

update portfolio

coffee

draw

start new novel- hopefully one that can hold my interest longer than 10 pages.

My next character is not goin to have amnesia (none of them have, but christ isn't that a pretty common plot device?)