Some people can spend weeks at a time without talking to another person. Some people can handle pressure and tension building up like a balloon ready to burst. Some people can cry at the drop of a hat. Earlier today I said "thank you" to a person, and it meant more to me than it ever possibly could have meant to her. My voice seemed to be synchronized with my purpose, which rarely happens, and I felt genuine.
Sometimes I set my phone alarm and something goes wrong. The phone runs out of batteries. I set it for P.M. when I meant to set it for A.M. There are times when I sleep through it by accident and other times when I sleep through it on purpose. In television and the movies, there always seems to be a definitive turning point, an unmistakeably identifiable event, that leads to a timely revelation or well placed epiphanie. I find that those same moments rarely happen in real life. Often, the changes occursover a period of time that's invisible to the naked eye. It's like the never ending process of growing. Each year the tree adds another ring to the trunk and you wake up one morning, living over a thousand miles from your family, responsible for the education and emotional welfare of twenty-four innocent children who desperately want your attention, but can't find a meaningful way of obtaining it. It's true that many of the barriers we establish ourselves are imaginary, but it is our choice to either stay in the cage or fly out the window. Last night I flew out the window.
I won't pretend that something incredible happened last night. I didn't find any real answers to any of the problems that are floating around in my head. I certainly did not encouter anything out of the ordinary. I just had fun and when it was time to go, I didn't want to leave. When the hurricane happened, I'm not denying that I freaked out. I had many hours of doubt and uncertainty. But I handled it. I made what seemed to be the right decision, knowing that I could possibly be in the situation that I am now. I've been lonely. Last night, even when I drove an hour back to my small bedroom alone, I didn't feel lonely. So today I called someone to thank them, and it felt good.