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I was sitting here after a long night at work tonight and thinking about the people I have met since I acquired my account on here. I thought the most I guess about one guy in general and what happened between the two of us . . . it was my closure I think. I met this guy and I let myself open up to him more than I should have. I talked to him every night for months on end. I believed every word he told me. I felt for him when I had no real business doing so. Then, I lost him, I really never speak to him any more. He will say hello once in a while and that is it, not sure what the problem is. Here is what I was thinking though, since I need to let it go to move on . . . that is what I am doing for good now. I would have done anything for this man honestly, there were strong emotions involved and I have no idea how in the hell that happened honestly, but it did. This went on for months on end, talking all the time, endless thoughts of him, and listening to him tell me the same things . . . and I wanted so badly to hear them that I believed them. I would have done anything in my power to get to him or get him here to me . . . but as I said I lost him. I am not sure exactly what happened btween the two of us, it just happened. He found someone else to tell all of the things that he once told me. He now tells her how he dreams of her and can't wait until he is with her holding her, how she is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, how she is absolute perfection to him, and she is who he was meant to be with, how he loves her. IT was a very short time ago though that he was telling me those exact same things and I loved to hear them and wanted to believe them. I wanted to believe that I was that special to someone, that someone could see me that way . . . but I do know better, not only now, then as well but I just wanted to live in the moment and see thigns how I waned htem to be. So, anyhow, he moved on and has found s new woman to make him happy and I am here resigning myself to the fact that I let myelf feel when I never should have. I was hurt by the things he said to me for a little while. I was hurt the way he just dropped talking to me once he found her after all I tried to do for him. I did anything he asked of me, not because he asked but because I wanted him to be happy, him being happy made me happy. I Let myself get hurt by the words and actions of someone that I never should have even had any feelings for whatsoever. I take the blame compeltely and always have, don't blame him for a thing . . . all he did was tell me what I wanted to hear and that is no crime. Anyway, I've let it all go now. It doesn't bother me at all to know he is loving someone else. In all complete honesty I am happy that he found someone that he thinks can make him happy. I'm not real sure I believe that she will make him happy because he has many many things in his life that need to be addressed before any woman can make him happy; but I sure hope they are at the very least content with one another. He knows I will be here as a friend for him if he ever needs me for anything and I can only hope that the woman that he loves understands that. So, now I am moving on and ready to find someone else I guess . . . ok not really. I wasn't looking for anyone when I found him, but I am not looking now at all. I am letting things in life occur as they will and take life one day and one person at a time. I have met many people on here as I said, and met a few that mean a great deal to me and they know who they are. There are a few men on here that I would not trade anything in life for, I Love them very much. I can tell them anything wihtout fear of judegment or alienation . . . I have a great deal of respect for them and feel teh same from them. These are the people I want now . . . I would give 10 relationships like I had for a few of the ones that I treasure - if that makes any sense. Damn, ok done rambling since my pain medication is kicking in - it was a logn rough and painful night at work tonight so I need to back away from the keyboard . . . good night all
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