I sit here on the edge of a vast lake (in my mind). A full moon shing overhead - casting a soft glow over everything. How peaceful everything seems. How the world around me sleeps away it's worries. How odd my life seems in comparison.
*sighs*
My life, such as it was, is and will become.
It seems I've always had to give and expect nothing in return. I would sit back in my own little shell - sit there quietly and not cause problems - while the world around me seemed to go by in a flash. The things left behind seem sad memories of hurt & loss, fear & rejection and most of all.. loneliness.
I had a dad who would drink all the time and beat on my mom... a mom who seemed to be constantly working to provide for my brothers and I, and then there were us kids... 3 boys and 1 girl.
The rebel, the shy quiet one, the clown and the dysfunctional one. We did what we had to do to make it until we were old enough to move out....
Its kinda sad really, I had to move 3 states at first.. then 3000 miles to get away from my family. 3000 miles that bring me to where I am now. I've been in the same place now for a while... and at times I wonder if home would have been better then this...I've had my share of problems since moving here. Some I wish I could change - others - well they would stay the same.
Do I have any regrets? Sure.. who doesn't. Do I think about them?.. yeah, but not enough to drive me crazy.
I have certain family and a few friends who know what my 'now' is like and they know what I'm goin thru.
As for my life.. and what it will become - -Hmmm...
if I knew the answer to that, life wouldn't be fun... now would it...
We are what we make ourselve, by the choices we make and the actions we have. Everyone is in charge of their oun lives.....
...some of us just need a little - or rather a lot- of help along the way. ;)
~Candyce~
