Jrie's blog: "Just for the record..."

I previously wrote this out but I feel the need to make some changes to it, and more to the point. Public because, well, this is why I didn't add you.

WARNING: Consumption of this product should be used with extreme caution. Overuse of this product may believe you to think it is interested in you when it is not. Will not result in drowsiness. Will explode under pressure. Keep out of reach of children. It is important that you take or use this exactly as directed. Do not skip doses or discontinue use unless directed by your doctor. This medication may upset your stomach. Take it with crackers, bread or a small meal. Do not drink alcoholic beverages when taking this medication. This drug may impair the ability to drive or operate machinery. Use care until you become familiar with its effects.

SECTION A: GENERAL 
i. I am flirtatious by nature but this does not mean I am attracted to you in any way, shape or form. I think flirting is fun. I flirt with everyone. I flirt with veganism. I flirt with cigarettes. I flirt with drugs and alcohol. I flirt with commitment. I flirt with technology. I flirt. Get over it. 
ii. My priorities are offline and not online, unless it refers to my job, which involves an extensive amount of time of online work. Only a few people know what my job actually entails, and no, I will not share it with you. 
iii. I treat you like a puzzle and usually give up and throw it in the trash if it proves to be boring. Sorry. Not really. 
iv. I'm a Leo which traditional astrology will tell you all these lovely things, but the reality is that I'm lazy, vain, spoiled, selfish and stubborn. I'm also an exhibitionist and probably a bit of a flirt hoar. This is offset by my personal dissatisfaction for how I look at all times. It's a type of BDD. Google magic, my friends. 
v. I hate confrontation and will avoid it at all costs, whether childish or immature. This is because if I do confront you, it is with murderous rage. You probably want to avoid this.

SECTION B: RELATIONSHIPS 
i. I shouldn't have to tell you to respect me, and I know that respect is earned not automatic. However, it is one thing to be neutral in terms of respect versus outright disrespect when we've never interacted. Sending me dirty messages and "compliments" about [enter explicit activities here] with me are not welcomed and simply irritate me. I do not have "slutbag whore" stamped on my forehead, and I don't want to be talked to like one.
ii. Run, now because you're not going to get anywhere with me. 
iii. I'm the assassin in the relationship. My Mars is in Capricorn. This is all you get. 
iv. I have this magical quality that men refer to, but I think it would be more akin to some kind of haze you are under. Why you fell for me, is beyond me. Unless you are me. Then it makes more sense. 
v. All the men in my life that stick around are gay. Plain and simple. Unless they have some ulterior motive. 

SECTION C: FRIENDSHIPS 
i. You are all individuals and thus, so is our friendship. If you haven't figured out that I will not go into a public battlefield to intervene between two friends, then you are a moron, and we are probably not friends. I will, however, go to bat for a friend when the person on the receiving end is someone I don't know and don't talk to. 
ii. It's not a second chance if you've had a thousand but that doesn't mean I won't give it. I am a strong believer that everyone who enters and exits my life did so for a reason and I try to learn from it. I also think growing and transforming is part of a person, and if they have "wronged" me in some way, I'm willing to let them into my life again. This may be naive of me, but I don't care. Its how I operate. 
iii. I'm a secret keeper and don't have any desire to share your secrets with the world. That doesn't mean I want to hear them, but if you share, I will listen. Everything that is said to me stays between us. I'm not always granted this same respect. 
iv. I love my friends more than I love myself. This says a lot, as I'm a Leo. It also means that my friends (and family for that matter) will always come before any guy. 99.9% of the time, they were there first. 99.9% of the time, they will be there when the guy leaves because of Section B. 
vi. I'm a shitty friend in the eyes of those who do not consider me a true friend. Because of Section A:ii, I do not sit around chatting all day, or texting all day. If it is a real emotional emergency or otherwise, I will drop everything. I mean, everything. If its to whine that I talked to so-and-so more than you yesterday, then I'm probably ignoring you. 
vii. I'm an amazing friend if you treat our friendship like a two-way street. This means I understand you have a life, and you understand I do. This means I make the effort to talk to you, you make the effort to talk to me. I don't do one-way streets.

SECTION D: FUBAR
i. I don't rate people often. At this point, I would probably be long gone if I didn't enjoy talking to the friends I have here. That being said, I sometimes attempt to level and everyone who's ever helped, I truly thank for that.
ii. Bling doesn't buy you friendship. Pretty self explanatory. Nothing of monetary value, really. 
iii. I am only here for friends. I'm not here to procure a relationship offline, I'm not here to date, I'm not here to cyber, I'm not here to flash you on cam, and I'm not here to talk about our hypothetical future in the real non-fubar world.
iv. I don't like snoops. If you come to my page purely to snoop around and then create anonymous accounts to send me threatening messages, you seriously need a life. 

Take at your own risk. Do not exceed the recommended dosage. Side effects may include snarkiness, sarcasm, bitchiness, irritation, anger, amongst others.