I had to steal this from a friend! So fucking funny!
Mr. And Mrs. Allison are retired, and Mrs. Allison insists her
Husband go with her to Walmart, but he gets bored with all the shopping
trips.
He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Allison loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to Mrs. Allison:
Dear Mrs. Allison,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
Commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
Both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
Video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Allison are
Listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Allison has done while his spouse was shopping in
Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
Carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor lea ding to the
Restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares.... And watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's
On layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
Area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
Other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding
Department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to
Cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as aMirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
The clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
Mission Impossible theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his Madonna look
Using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
Yelled PICK ME PICK ME
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
Assumes the fetal position and screams NO NO
It's those voices again
And last, but not least ......
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
Awhile,then yelled very loudly, There is no toilet paper in here
Regards,
Wal-Mart
