I do try to be optimistic honestly I do. But all the sudden I am overcome with fear that something just has to go wrong. Things are going too good. I just found out I got my loan & am registering for school tomorrow... yippie. I am giving my 2 weeks notice tomorrow & then on the 25th I have orientation for my new job. Minimal saturdays (as opposed to the every other weekend I do now) no holidays ( I work every other now) flexible schedule (which I have to beg borrow or steal to get a day off now).This new job opportunity came at just the right time to give me a kick in the ass to get to school and do what I need to do.
I also have the potential to have a sort of relationship. Which I am finding all kinds of issues with, but I dont know if there really are issues there or if Im making them up in my own mind. My friend told me last night that the reason I run is because I am afraid to be happy... isnt that ridiculous? shit maybe I am. Maybe the reason why I havent had a relationship for years is my own doing, maybe my expectations (or lack thereof) are to high. I dunno maybe they all werent really as bad as I made them out to seem.Maybe its just my way of hiding so I dont get hurt. This new guy is rather nice to me. And woke me up out of a sound sleep to say " hey jen I know what your fear is.... your afraid to be more than friends with anyone." I rolled over pretending to go back to sleep. Could he be right? I dont know if I am really into him or not, I have to wait & see. Because it may be Im just being wishy washy, I dont know....Blah blah blah ... going to dinner with the kids ....more mindlessness later.
~brightest blessings & love~
~*~jennie~*~
