I am 27, 28 in June.
I do not smoke.
Cigarettes OR Cigaweed.
I hardly drink.
I am from Amityville, NY.
That's right, THE Amityville.
My mom is my hero.
So was my Grandpa.
I play hockey.
I play in a softball league.
I play baseball.
I play football.
Those last two, only recreationally.
I am a Lutheran.
I respect women.
Most guys give guys like me a bad name.
I am trustworthy.
I am patient.
I am generous.
I am relatively intelligent.
I've been told I'm funny.
I've been told I'm an idiot as well.
I'd like to think part of me being an idiot is funny.
I love watching movies:
Comedy
Horror
Action
Crappy movies meant to be serious, yet I can not possibly take them seriously
War
Indie.
I am tolerant of all religions.
I am tolerant of most music.
I don't drink soda.
That's a lie, maybe once a week though.
I don't eat fast food.
Not a lie.
I rarely eat candy.
I don't eat anything you prepare entirely in the microwave.
I love animals.
They taste good.
Just kidding.
Actually I'm not.
Just not pets, I don't go for that sort of thing.
I don't mind long phone conversations.
I encourage long online conversations.
I take lots of pictures.
I don't post them all.
If you want to see more, ask.
I have lost 30 lbs or more on two occasions.
Most recently, 40.
I have some little stretch marks to prove it.
I am secure.
I have no problem referencing myself in gay jokes.
As long as you understand I am straight.
I have had an assault rifle pointed at my head before.
I have witnessed a hit-and-run murder.
I have worked every food-service job imaginable.
I have worked in consruction.
I currently work at Home Depot.
I used to work the night shift.
The hours sucked, the pay was terrible, but i got weekends off.
I still work for the Depot.
I have a district job now, better pay and hours, still have weekends off.
Proof that hard work pays off.
I intend on becoming a police officer in the near future.
I toss midgets.
I'm definitely kidding this time.
I get migraines on occasion.
My torso is about as tall as my legs.
If you don't know how weird that is, measure your body.
I can leg press over 600 lbs.
I can barely bench press 150.
Sad, I know.
If you are reading this still, I'm surprised you've made it this far and I'm sorry if I'm boring you.
I have had 2 girlfriends in my life.
Both cheated on me.
I'd like to think that's not my fault.
Who knows.
Ask me about Cowbell.
I do not wear body sprays.
I don't care for the smell, nor do they have "sex" appeal.
I wear Curve.
I love comedy:
George Carlin
Richard Pryor
Dennis Miller
Dave Chappelle
Mitch Hedberg
Bob Saget
Dane Cook
Most of the Wayans Brothers
Chris Rock
...and so on.
In hockey, I've scored 5 goals in a game twice.
I hold doors open for women.
If you haven't noticed, I tend to jump around from topic to topic.
I apologize if this also bothers you.
It's too late to fix that.
Tool is an amazing band.
Marijuana, cigarettes, alcohol: waste of money.
Arguing, television: waste of time.
I am not a virgin.
Sex is not something to stress over.
I am capable of many things.
I have yet to accomplish many things.
I am the world's tallest midget.
Also a lie.
If you are white, and you think you are black, you do have something wrong with you.
Rap music has little thought put into it.
That makes it funny to listen to.
Except Eminem.
Not because he's white, because he's creative.
He doesn't sing only about bitches and hoes and money.
I like that.
Dr. Dre is cool too.
He DOES sing about bitches and hoes and money.
And weed.
Oh well, I can't help but enjoy it.
I like to write.
I plan on writing a book in the near future.
If you can't joke about yourself, then you are not likely to be funny.
My wallet is empty.
This makes me sad.
I used to collect baseball cards.
South Park is epic.
Family guy is too.
Morphing pictures are really not all that cool.
They make you look like those people from The Hills Have Eyes.
Mods are even less cool.
Any retarded chimp can photoshop/illustrate extra crap on a picture.
It doesn't make it look any better, ever.
Stop wasting your time please.
I can cook.
I can do laundry.
I bathe regularly.
I attended Virginia Tech for a few years.
Several things in my life have prevented me from graduating by now.
I am great at math.
If you don't believe me, test me.
I love the smell of gasoline.
I loved the smell of Grandpa's cooking.
Wet hair is seriously sexy.
Possibly the sexiest thing I can think of.
I don't mind shopping with women.
I buy cds AND download songs.
In case you're counting, I've mentioned midgets twice.
Both were lies.
This would be the third mention.
I volunteered my time at a church youth group frequently in NY.
I love to be lazy.
Who doesn't?
I yell at myself in 3rd person when I do something dumb.
D&D...'nuff said.
I have Yoda footsie pajamas.
If you think that's serious, you're mental.
I have a sister.
Notice I waited until now to mention her.
We don't get along well.
I would still protect her with my life though.
People tell me their phone rings a lot more when I'm near.
I don't know why, it just does.
If you've stopped reading this, you're a big dumb stupidhead.
Yea, I said it.
I've played DDR like twice.
I suck at it.
Best guitarist ever: Jimmy Page/Eddie Van Halen/Dimebag
Best drummer ever: Neil Peart/Buddy Rich/John Bonham.
If you're honestly still reading, you're my new best friend.
That's some real dedication there.
I used to drive a 2000 Pontiac Grand Am, Sport Edition.
It's my 1st baby.
It shit the bed on me and I bought me a pony.
Not an actual pony.
Ford makes their own version.
Some call it a Mustang.
Bono from U2 is a hypocrite.
He wants to be known as a humanitarian, but IS a rock "icon".
Mother Theresa didn't fly back home on a private jet to her mansion.
I'm not saying he should live in poverty.
He just needs to stop acting so humble, it's fake.
Let me put it into perspective for you:
His sunglasses are worth more than any impoverished family will ever receive in aid in their lives.
Sorry about the mini rant.
He just pisses me off.
Speaking of U2, with my goatee and a beanie, I am embarrassed to admit I look like The Edge.
It pretty much sucks.
Someone pointed out that I say "basically" alot.
I don't know how much is "alot" but I can "basically" estimate.
I own a 56" HDTV.
That's right, I own it.
I earned it.
I collect DVDs.
I really need to re-read this stuff to make sure I don't repeat too much.
I moved out of NY in January 2009.
I live in Virginia Beach, and am loving life.
Several things caused this to be my only option, but I'm better off.
Too many reasons to post on this.
For now that's all I can come up with.